I think that I shall never see
a hazard rougher than an tree; A tree oer which my ball must fly
if on the green it is to lie; A tree which stands that green to guard,
and makes the shot extremely hard; A tree whose leafy arms extend
to kill the six iron shot I send; A tree that stands in silence there,
while angry golfers rave and swear. Irons were made for fools like me
who cannot ever miss a tree.

A proposed revision to the rules of golf is being sought in South Florida which will replace the traditional call of FORE.

Once a player has hit an errant shot he will be allowed to call GORE while the ball is still in flight. He can then replace the ball in the same spot and hit it again.

The player can do this until he is satisfied the ball is going where he intended to hit it in the first place. This will cause the time of play to be extended until such time the player can claim the hole.

This revision is causing some consternation to the PGA but proponents say it is only fair.

A recent test of this new rule was recently played out in an exclusive club in Palm Beach County Florida and the first hole only took 19 days to complete.

A Texas business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in Tokyo a day earlier than expected. Feeling lonely that evening, he employed the services of a beautiful young Japanese girl to be his companion for the evening. Although the Japanese girl spoke very little English and the businessman spoke no Japanese, their passion roared and in the heat of the moment she began yelling Gama Su!, Gama Su!. Hearing this, the Texan knew he had pleased his female Japanese friend and soon afterwards went to sleep.

The next day while playing golf with his Japanese business colleagues, one of his Japanese partners holed his shot from 170 yards away! Everyone went crazy and began yelling excitedly in Japanese. Wanting to impress his friends, the Texan joined in and began yelling, Gama Su! Gama Su!



Suddenly everyone became quiet. After a moment of silence, one of the Japanese turned to him and asked Wrong hole? What do you mean wrong hole?

A golfer and his buddies where playing a big round of golf for $200. At the eighteenth green the golfer had a ten foot putt to win the round, and the $200.



As he was lining up his putt, a funeral procession started to pass by. The golfer set down his putter, took his hat off, placed it over his chest, and began to wait for the funeral procession to pass. After it passed, he picked up his putter and returned to lining up his putt.



One of his buddies said, That was the most touching thing I have ever seen. I cant believe you stopped playing, possibly loosing your concentration, to pay your respects.



Well, we were married for 25 years!

The first worm says, What kind of day is it?



The other worm says, You know, I dont know, but I was thinking of going up and checking it out.



The first worm says, Thats a good idea. Why dont you do that.



So the second worm starts on his way up through the dirt.



At the same time, two lady golfers are walking along the fairway.



The first one says, Jeez, I gotta wiz.



Her friend says, Well, its very early. Theres nobody else here on the course.



Do it right here. Nobody will know.



The first lady says, You think so? Right here?



Her friend says, Yeah. Why not?



She pulls down her skivvies, and lifts up her little golf dress and she squats.



Shes just about to commence when the worm pokes his head up out of the grass right below her. She lets fly, and forget it, he gets drenched. Hes dripping wet as he goes back down through the dirt. He goes up to the first worm, and hes soaking wet.



The first worm looks at him and says, Oh, its raining, huh?



The second worm says, Not only is it raining, but its raining so hard the stupid birds are building their nests upside-down!

So there are three golfers, (Bob, Max, and Ted) who are looking for a
fourth. Bob mentions that his friend George is a pretty good golfer, so
they decide to invite him for the following Saturday.

Sure, Id love to play, says George, but I may be about ten minutes
late, so wait for me.

So Saturday rolls around. Bob, Max, and Ted arrive promptly at 9:00,
and find George already waiting for them. He plays right-handed, and
beats them all. Quite pleased with their new fourth, they ask him if
hed like to play again the following Saturday.

Yeah, sounds great, says George. But I may be about ten minutes
late, so wait for me.

The following Saturday, again, all four golfers show up on time, but
this time George plays left-handed, and beats them all. As theyre
getting ready to leave, George says:

See you next Saturday. But I may be about ten minutes late, so wait
for me.

Every week, George is right on time, and plays great with whichever
hand he decides to use. And every week, he departs with the same
message.

After a couple months, Ted is pretty tired of this routine, so he
says, Wait a minute, George. Every week you say you may be about ten
minutes late, but youre right on time. And you beat us either
left-handed or right-handed. Whats the story?

Well, George says, Im kind of superstitious. When I get up in the
morning, I look at my wife. If shes sleeping on her left side, I play
left-handed. And if shes sleeping on her right side, I play
right-handed.

So what do you do if shes sleeping on her back? Bob asks.

Then Im about ten minutes late, George answers.

Pete Granger

There were two men who played golf together frequently. One was several strokes better than the other. The lesser player was very proud, and never wanted to take any strokes to even up the game.

One Saturday morning, he shows up with a gorilla at the first tee. He says to his friend, Ive been trying to beat you for so long that Im about ready to give up. But, I heard about this golfing gorilla, and I was wondering if it would be alright if he plays for me today. In fact if youre game, Id like to try to get back all the money Ive lost to you this year. I figure comes to about a thousand bucks. Are you willing?



The other guy thought about it for a minute, and then decided to play the gorilla. After all, how good could a gorilla be at golf? he thought.



Well, the first hole was a straightaway par 4 of 450 yards. The guy hits a beautiful tee shot, 275 yards down the middle, leaving himself a 6 iron to the green. The gorilla takes a few powerful practice swings and then laces the ball 450 yards, right at the pin, stopping about 6 inches away from the hole.



The guy turns to his friend and says Thats incredible, I would have never believed it if I hadnt seen it with my own eyes. But, you know what, Ive seen enough. Ive got no interest in being totally humiliated by this gorilla golfing machine. You send this frigging gorilla back to where he comes from. I need a drink; better make it a double, and Ill write you a check.



After handing over the check, and well into his second double the guy asks, By the way, hows that gorillas putting?



The other guy replies, Same as his driving.



That good, huh?



No, I mean, he hits putts the same way – 450 yards, right down the middle!

LUCY AND JAJE WERE PLAYING GOLF FIRST THE FIRST 2 BALS GOT STUCK ON LUCY BOOBS ,AND THE SECOND BALL GOT STUCK ON JAKES BALL,AND NOW THEY HAD NO BALLS TO PLAY WITH.

One day a priest and a nun went golfing.

The first hole the priest missed an extremely easy
put. He shouted, Damn, missed again.

The nun, shocked, warned him God will get you for that.

The next hole the same thing occurred. After the preist screamed God Damn
It! Missed again the nun repeated her
warning God will get you for that!

On the third hole, the priest again missed, and cursed, but before the nun
could repeat her warning, a bolt of lightning came down from the heavens
and struck the nun dead.

A deep voice from the clouds boomed out God Damn It! Missed again!.

This guys wife was always wanting to go golfing with him and he
said he didnt think she would enjoy it. She kept pressuring
him and finally he gave in.

So theyre on the golf course and on the first hole the guy hits
one 300 yards down the middle of the fairway, hits his second
shot three feet from the pin, and putts for a birdie. This
lucky streak continues and he birdies 5 straight holes.
Then they get to the 6th hole. He takes his driver and hooks
one way out into the left rough behind a barn. They search and
search and find the ball, and he says to his wife, Ill just
take a penalty and drop the ball out in the fairway.

His wife says, Wait a minute! She walks over to the barn and
opens the door on one end and then goes to the other end and
opens that door too. She says, Look, honey, you can see the
hole from here! The way youve been playing, just hit through
the barn and youll do okay.

So he grabs a 3 iron and takes a healthy swat, and it ricochets
off the barn and hits his wife right between the eyes, killing
her instantly.

The grief-stricken man didnt play golf for several years after
his wifes death. Until one day, his friends finally talk him
into a foursome. They go to the same course, and amazingly,
he again birdies the first 5 holes. They get to the 6th tee and
he hits another vicious hook behind the same barn! They finally
find the ball and the guy says he will take a penalty drop in
the fairway. One of his buddies says, Wait a minute! and runs
and opens the barn doors.

The guy screams at him, You dirty SOB, the last time I tried
that, I took a 9 on this hole!!