Elizabeth Taylor once boarded a plane. Everybody around greeted her. Since the plane was crowded she had difficulty in finding a seat.
She saw our Sardar Balwinder Singh who was sitting next to a vacant seat.She went up to him and introduced herself saying in her cool sexy voice, Hi, I am Elizabeth Taylor… Liz to you.
Balwinder was bewildered but immediately responded, Hi I am Balwinder .. Balls to you.

A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby, all alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her knowing that if she accepts it, she is his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman. She looks at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man. The note read: For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants. The man after reading this note, sends one of his own back to her and it read: Just so you know- I happen
to have a Rolls, BMW and a Mercedes in my garage, plus two million dollars in the bank: But not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut three inches off my penis! Just send the bottle back.

A man wants to introduce his nephew to the game of sex. The young man is worried that he might not do it right so his uncle comes up with a plan. The young man will get a hooker, wine her and dine her, then take her back to his apartment for a night of pleasure. The uncle will be in the bedroom closet so if the boy has a problem, he can shout it out, and from the closet will come the answer about what to do. That night everything is going according to the plan. When they get back to the apartment the hooker gets into bed while the young man goes to the bathroom to put on a condom. The hooker suddenly gets a cramp and must go to the bathroom now! She feels around the bed and grabs an empty shoe box and takes a big dump in it. Now here comes the young man walking in the dark room. He steps in the shoe box and shouts out, Theres sh*t in the box, theres sh*t in the box . From the closet comes the reply, Then roll her over!

A man had just put his 89 year old father in a nursing home. On the fathers 90th bithday, the son, feeling like he needed to do something sepcial for the old boy, called the local brothel. The Madam explained that she had the good, better, and super sex packages. Being the old mans 90th birthday, the son ordered the super sex package. On the day of the fathers 90th birthday, the madam sends her finest call girl to the old mans room. she bursts through the door wearing nothing but a sexy neglige and says Im here to give you super Sex!. The old man says
Ill have the soup.

On
a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe
storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad
to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman
in particular loses it.
Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane. "Im
too young to die!" she wails. "Well, if
Im going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth
to be memorable! Ive had plenty of sex in my life,
but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman!
Well Ive had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who
can make me feel like a WOMAN??"
For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten
their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the
desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I
can make you feel like a woman," he says. Hes
gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair
and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the
aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.
No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as
the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles
ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends
the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman,
and whispers:
"Iron this."

In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only
trying to retrieve the gerbil, Vito Bustone told bemused doctors in the
Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.

Bustone, and his homosexual partner Kiki Rodriguez, had been admitted
for treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.

I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Faggot, our
gerbil, in, he explained. As usual, Kiki shouted out Armageddon, my
cue that hed had enough. I tried to retrieve Faggot but he wouldnt
come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking
the light might attract him.

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what
happened next. The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame
shot up the tube, igniting Mr Bustones moustache and severely burning
his face. It also set fire to the gerbils fur and whiskers which, in
turn, ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling
the rodent out like a cannonball.

Bustone suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the
impact of the gerbil, while Rodriguez suffered first and second degree
burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract. Sheriff Hugo Root later
told reporters: Its Faggot I feel sorry for. Being stuffed up some
queens tradesmans entrance …

(Bloomberg News Service 11/8/93. Spotter — Dr Stewart A. Cowley)

There was a man who really took good care of his body. He lifted
weights and jogged 6 miles a day. One day, he took a look in the
mirror – yes, he was a bit vain – and noticed that he was tan all over
except for his penis. So, he decided to do something about it.

He went to the beach, completely undressed himself and buried in the
sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out.

Two old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon
encountering the penis sticking up over the sand, she began to move it
around with her cane, remarking to the other lady, Theres no justice
in the world.

The other lady asked what she meant.

The lady with the cane replied,

When I was 20, I was curious about it.

When I was 30, I enjoyed it.

When I was 40, I asked for it.

When I was 50, I paid for it.

When I was 60, I prayed for it.

When I was 70, I forgot about it.

Now, I am 80 and the damn things are growing wild on the beach and Im
too old to squat.

A young man has always dreamed on owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has
finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After picking
out the perfect bike the dealer warns him that if he leaves his Harley in
the rain the chrome has a tendency to rust. He tells the young man an old
bikers trick is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and smear it on the chrome
if the bike must be left out in the rain.

A few months later the young man meets a woman and falls in love. She asks
him to come home and meet her parents over dinner. He readily agrees and
the date is set. At the appointed time he picks her up on his Harley and
they ride to her parents house. Before they go in she tells him that they
have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the
dishes.

After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first
person to break and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long fifteen
minutes the young man decides to speed things up so he reaches over and
kisses the woman in front of her family.

And no one says a word…! Next he decides to take a more direct approach
so he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone.
And still no one says a word!

Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws her on the
table. They have even wilder sex. But no one says a word!!!

By now he is getting very worried and is wondering what to do next when he
hears thunder in the distance. His first thought is to protect the chrome
on his Harley, so he reaches in his pocket and pulls out the Vaseline.

And the father says, Okay dammit, Ill do the dishes.

A character dumps his/her girlfriend/boyfriend for a good reason.Jerry invites Newman into his apartment.Susan lets George keep any sort of private information secret.Jerry dates a woman over a size 12.A character goes out with someone for a full week and doesnt have sex (other than when they were dating Marla the Virgin)Uncle Leo accuses nobody of being an Anti-Semite.Steinbrenner shuts up for a minute and lets George talk.Mr. Peterman enters a conversation without telling a boring anecdote.Kramer knocks before entering Jerrys apartment.Kramer gets a real job.Kramer gets evicted for not paying his rent since he has no source of income.The owner of Monks kicks them out for sitting there for 30 minutes without ordering anything.