At the edge of the forest there was a somewhat mediocre wizard. He is there to help the animals of the forest with some of their daily problems. One day a toad hops in.

The toad says Oh wizard, please help me. I was born with a yellow penis.

Ive told you animals, I cant help you with any big problems, responds the wizard. Youll have to go see the Wizard of Oz.

So the toad hops off on his merry little way. But in not too long an elephant enters the wizards pad.

Oh wizard, the elephant begins, please help me. I was born without a trunk.

Now the wizard is infuriated. Dont you stupid animals ever listen!!! Take your damn big problems to the wizard of Oz!

The elephant responds But, wizard how do I get to the Wizard of Oz?

Oh thats easy, says the wizard. Just follow the yellow dicked toad!

Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed
couple wanted to join a church. The Pastor said, We have special requirements
for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.

The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The Pastor went to the
elderly couple and asked, Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?
The old man replied, No problem at all, Pastor. Congratulations! Welcome to
the church! said the Pastor.

The Pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked, Well, were you able to
abstain from sex for the two weeks? The man replied, The first week was not
too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but,
yes, we made it. Congratulations! Welcome to the church! said the Pastor.

The Pastor went to the newlywed couple and asked, Well, were you able to
abstain from sex for two weeks? No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex
for the two weeks, the young man replied sadly. What Happened? inquired the
Pastor. My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it.
When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of
her right there. You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome
in our church, stated the Pastor. We know, said the young man, Were not
welcome at the SuperSaver anymore either.

A married man was having an affair with his
secretary. One day their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell
asleep, awakening around 8:00 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them
through the grass and dirt.
Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. Where have you been? demanded his
wife when he entered the house.
Darling, I cant lie to you. Ive been having an
affair with my secretary and weve been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didnt
wake up until eight oclock. The wife glanced down at his shoes and said,You lying bastard! Youve been playing golf!.
The 2nd Affair:Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his palelips
began to move slightly. Becky my darling,
he whispered. Hush my love,
she said. Rest, dont talk. He was insistent. Becky, he said in his tired voice, I have something that I must confess. Theres nothing to confess, replied the weeping Becky, everythings all right,
go to sleep.
No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I …. I slept
with your sister, your best friend, her best friend and even your mother!I know, my sweet one whispered Becky, thats why I poisoned you.

A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game.
During the game the guys notice that the girl knows just as much about the
game as themselves, and are really impressed.

After the game they ask her how is it that you know so much about
baseball?

She says, Well, I used to be a guy and got a sex change.

The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process. what was the most
painful part of the process? Was it when they cut off your penis?

That was very painful, but was not the most painful part.

Was it when they cut off your balls?

That was very painful, but was not the most painful part.

What was the most painful part?

The part that hurt the most was when they cut my salary in half!

[Ed: I thought this was a nice variant of this usually anti-female joke, although
I think the other one (when they scooped out half my brains) is
funnier for its sheer offensiveness. ]

Hung Chow calls in to work and says, Hey, boss
I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache,
stomachache and my legs hurt. I not come work.
The boss says, You know Hung Chow, I really need
you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife
and tell her give me sex. Makes everything better
and I can go to work. You try.
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: Boss, I
do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon.
You got nice house.

A young girl of 12 gets up in the middle of the night for a glass of water.

Hearing muffled noises coming from her parents room, she quietly peeks her



head in. Shes been very curious about sex, and thinks that that must be



what her parents are doing….





She soundlessly returns to bed and resolves to ask her mother about it in



the morning. At breakfast she asks her mother, Mommy, whats sex?





Sex happens when a man and woman get married, her mother replies. The



man puts his penis into the womans vagina and they make a baby.





The little girl thinks for a minute and says, Mommy, last night I saw you



with Daddys penis in your mouth! What do you get when you do that?





Her mother smiles and says, Jewelry!

Zailsingh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Rajiv came home.

Rajiv: Zailsinghji How is your MBA preparation?

Zail Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.

Rajiv: Logic is very easy.

Zailsingh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.

Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?

Zail: YES.

Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.

Zail: YES.

Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it.

Zail: YES.

Rajiv: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.

Zail: YES.

Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.

Zail: YES.

Rajiv: so, logically, your are married.

Zail: YES.

Rajiv: So, that means U are a heterosexual.

Zailsingh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Butasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.

Zail: How is your MBA preparation?

Buta: Everything is fine except for the logic.

Zail: Oh, logic is easy.

Buta: Please, give me an example.

Zail: Do you have a fish pot in your house?

Buta: NO, I dont.

Zail: Saala HOMO!!!

A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed
he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly
confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month.
A month later, the musician went to a porno theater to see it. With his collar
up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple
who also seemed to be in disguise.

The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and
even a dog. After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and
said, Im only here to listen to the music.

Yeah? replied the man. Were only here to see our dog.

This is a very interesting psychological test. Have a pen and paper
handy before you read any further.

Read the following questions, imagining the scenes in your mind, and
write down the first thing that you visualize. Do not think
about the questions excessively. As soon as you read a question, write
the answer right away.

Make sure to answer questions 1-10 before moving on. Dont cheat, it
will take all the fun out of it.

Questions

You are not alone. You are walking in the woods. Who are you
walking with?

You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of
animal is it?

What interaction takes place between you and the animal?

You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing and before you
is your dream house. Describe its size?

Is your dream house surrounded by a fence?

You enter the house. You walk to the dining area and see the
dining room table. Describe what you see on and around the
table.

You exit the house through the back door. Lying in the grass is a
cup. What material is the cup made of?

What do you do with the cup?

You walk to the edge of the property, where you find yourself
standing at the edge of a body of water. What type of body of water is
it?

How will you cross the water?

Analysis

This has been a relational psychology test. The answers given to the
questions have been shown to have a relevance to values and ideals
that we hold in our personal lives. The analysis follows.

The person who you are walking with is the most important person
in your life.

The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the
size of your problems.

The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is
representative of how you deal with your problems
(passive/aggressive).

The size of your dream house is representative of the size of your
ambition to resolve your problems.

No fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome
at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality.
Youd prefer people not to drop by unannounced.

If your answer did not include food, people, or flowers, then you
are generally unhappy.

The durability of the material with which the cup is made of is
representative of the perceived durability of your relationship with
the person named in number 1. For example, styrafoam, plastic, and
paper are all disposable, styrofoam, paper and glass are not durable,
and metal and plastic are durable.

Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude
towards the person in number 1.

The size of the body of water is representative of the size of
your sexual desire.

How wet you get in crossing the water is indicative of the
relative importance of your sex life.

Today is Learning to Spell Ebonics. Mr. Darnell Jackson will help out by putting the words into sentences.

Foreclose
If I dont pay my alimony this month, Ill have more money forclose.

Sodomy
When I go out at night, I like to have one bitch on one sodomy and another bitcho n de other sodomy.

Rectum
I had two Cadillacs, but my girlfrin rectum both.

Hotels
I gave my girlfrin the crabs, then the hotels everybody.

Dissapointment
My parole officer told me if I miss disappointment, he gonna send me back toos the big house.

Decide
My favorite girls are Waanda and Yolanda, but I like to keep a couple on decide.

Penis
I had to take my drug test the other day, so my parole officer gives me a paper cup and says, Here penis.

Afford
I wanted to buy a Cadillac, but had to settle for afford.

Subpoena
I went to the john at the concert, but the lines were long and I hadda go bad, so da man sez subpoena sink .

Manual
I told my buddy Tyrone, manual get yourself in trouble if you keep messin with dat hoe.

Catacomb
I went to the fight and sat next to Don King – now someone oughta git that catacomb.

Mister
My girlfrin went on vacation and I really mister.

Undermine
Theres a fine looking bitch living in the apartment undermine.

Cadaver
I told my buddy Tyrone I liked his sister and wanted to see her and he said I cadaver.

Paramour
I was playing cards with my buddy Antonio and I said Wadda you got? He said I got an ace high and youre gonna need a paramour to beat me.

Polyp
On my way home from the Pistons game the other night, I was involved in a fi car polyp.

Urinal
After the police broke down my door last night, they said, Darnett, urinal lot a trouble.