A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.

The man said, Men obviously enjoy sex more than women.

Why do you think were so obsessed with getting laid?

That doesnt prove anything, the woman countered. Think about this – When your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?

Prudes and Virgins Digest, v.1 #6 (NOT13) Mon Dec 5 15:12:04 PST 1988

WARNING: This digest may contain material not suitable for
Readers Digest. Do not read if you find this type of
material offensive.

Contributions: pvdigest@ernie.Berkeley.EDU
Comments: nj@ernie.Berkeley.EDU
Mailing List requests: pvdigest-request@ernie.Berkeley.EDU

The Prudes and Virgins Digest is freely redistributable.

— nj

Date: Thu, 1 Dec 88 11:15:22 PST
Author: Reginald
Topic: Interesting positions I have discovered
Contact: reg3

Good evening.

Recently, whilst engaged in–well, lets be perfectly frank,
this is an open forum after all–intercourse with my wife, i
discovered an amazing new position, in which the female partner
occupies what might be called the dominant or top position, rather
than the more proper bottom position. We were curious as to whether
anyone else has tried this revolutionary concept. Were rather afraid
to admit it in public, since I think it falls outside of the bounds of
general decency and propriety…but, as the common people say, life is
too short not to live it up a little, eh what?

Reginald

Date: Thu, 1 Dec 88 21:43:05 PST
Author: Jonathan
Topic: A question
Contact: jonp

Ive been thinking about…er…well, you know, and…um…I was just
wondering if…if…you know…has anyone ever had any experience doing…
I mean does anyone know any good techniques for…oh never mind.

Date: Fri, 2 Dec 88 10:02:33 PST
Author: GERTRUDE
Topic: KISSING
Contact: gert5

DEAR PRUDES AND VIRGINS DIGEST.

MY BOYFRIEND KEEPS TELLING ME IT IS OKAY TO KISS EACH OTHER ON THE LIPS AND
NOT KEEP OUR LIPS PUCKERED SECURELY. IS THIS NORMAL?

GERTRUDE

Date: Fri, 2 Dec 88 11:15:56 PST
Author: Robert
Topic: confessions…
Contact: robertw

ive never told anyone else about this before, but i thought
you all might like to hear about it. it all started one night when i
was studying for a physics test all alone in a classroom and this girl
walked in and sat down and started studying. i couldnt help but
notice her most prominent features. i had a hard time concentrating
on my textbook. all i could think about was introducing myself to
her. i imagined myself walking up to her–actually walking up to a
real woman–and GREETING her. i reached down and started idly playing
with my calculator as i fantasized. i thought of asking her out for
frozen yogurt. i thought of accidentally brushing against her round,
soft hands. i couldnt stand it. i had to do it. but then she got
up and left.

Date: Fri, 2 Dec 88 16:49:23 PST
Author: Samuel
Topic: What turns you on?
Contact: samt

Hey I dont know about all you guys but I get really aroused whenever a girl
says, Have a nice day to me. Is this weird? Should I go see a shrink?
The short women in Willow really turn me on to.

Date: Sat, 3 Dec 88 15:35:01 PST
Author: Linda
Topic: hi
Contact: lindal

um hi im new to this sex thing but the guy im with keeps telling me
its ok im not supposed to enjoy it as much as he does,,,is that right?
and what does he mean when he tells his friends she dont care ive
only got three inches? thankyou

Date: Fri, 2 Dec 88 13:22:42 PST
Author: Melville
Topic: Hot digitized pix!
Contact: mel2

Hey dudes, I got lots of ]<OOL digitized pictures. Theyre all very
–>REVEALING<– if you know what i mean *wink*. Ive got Betty White
in a low-cut gown, Ive got Oprah Winfrey in a miniskirt (and I do
mean MINI!!!) and the best of them all is my pic of LINDA RONSTADT
wearing a BIKINI!!!!! And if THAT dont turn you on you MUST be
weird!!! Write me for more info!!!!!! (I want to TRADE too…Ive
been looking for a good Shirley Jones for MILLENNIAS!!!!)

Date: Sat, 3 Dec 88 17:12:29 PST
Author: Patrick
Topic: Bondage
Contact: rickb

Hello–

Does anyone know anything about bondage? Is it like, male bonding?

Thanks.

Patrick

Date: Sat, 3 Dec 88 18:22:03 PST
Author: Elizabeth
Topic: Nightwear
Contact: lizb

Dear Prudes and Virgins Digest,

This is ever so awkward, but i was wondering what your readers would
consider to be…ummm….attractive… in the way of nightwear. Do the
readers prefer cotton, flannel or rayon full length nightgowns? Is there
a tendency towards prints or solids? Fitted or roomy?

This is truly a burning question on my mind, as just the other evening as
my husband Percy and I were each reading various excerpts from Better Homes
and Gardens Do-It Yourself Guide to Home Remodeling and Percy commented
that perhaps to lend excitement to our marriage in much the same way our
new storm windows add pizazz to our living room I should invest in some new
nightwear. I hope your readers can assist me in my shopping endeavors.

Elizabeth

Date: Sat, 3 Dec 88 20:49:13 PST
Author: J. Jacob
Topic: Re: Oral Majority
Contact: jjc

Thats DISGUSTING! You are SICK SICK SICK!!! To think that they even LET
people like you in…why, why Ill bet you even vote DEMOCRAT!!!! Brother
Falwell should kick ALL of you commie bastards out!!!!!!!

Date: Sat, 3 Dec 88 23:13:52 PST
Author: Hanna
Topic: Wild fantasies
Contact: hrb

Dear P and V Digest

Just the other day I engaged in the most unbelievable
fantasy :^). I needed to study for my Chaucer exam and
ducked into what Id hoped to be an unused classroom.
Well, this was the furthest from the truth. There was a
young man in this room, but I was feeling a bit, shall we
say devil-may-care, and i brought my books in and sat in a desk
about two or three rows over from the young man. He was
quite attractive, what with his neatly manicured hands and
crisply shaved sideburns, and his shirt was neatly pressed
as well. I very much wanted him to approach me, and to
offer me a refreshment of some sort. We could discuss
literature or this seasons choice of music here with the
University Symphony or perhaps the social happening next week
at the Christian Center. My thoughts ranged even further into
the future, about how, if we were married, we could have wild,
frenzied family picnics.

His shoes were neatly buffed, and he was reading what appeared
to be some scientific manual or text, and he must have
been an intelligent and well-mannered young man, and he would
been an excellent conversationalist, and, well, just thinking
of him talking to me got me so….ruffled…. i just had to
go get a lemonade from the Cafeteria and I left quickly
even before I could review my most recent notes.

Hanna [[ last name
withheld–nj ]]

PS–Please assign an alias and a mailbox to me; many people
in my school read News and I wouldnt want them to get the wrong
impression of me.

End of Prudes and Virgins Digest

The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden signs, those giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a person. Train yourself to recognize – and decode – these KEY SIGNS. Figuring out these moronic little indicators can save you a lot of time and effort.1. Woman wont unlock car door for man – Doesnt engage in oral sex2. Man gets in car without opening door for woman – No foreplay3. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant – Prefers virgins4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way – Is a virgin5. Cant hail a cab – Impotent6. Insists on going to a homely little cafe with windmill motif – Compulsive Don Quixote7. Insists on going to a romantic candle-lit restaurant – Compulsive Don Juan8. Insists on going to a Polynesian bar – Compulsive Don Ho9. Wants to go to a French restaurant – Will swallow10. Wants to go to a deli – Wont swallow11. Takes too long deciding what to order – Has trouble reaching orgasm12. Orders salad dressing on the side – Will give you a hand job, but will not go all the way13. Gives explicit orders to waiter – Will expect incredibly skillful gymnastics in bed14. Asks for extra rolls – Will say she is using birth control when shes not, will get pregnant and sue15. Insists on ordering for you, referring to you as The lady will have… – Thinks you had an orgasm when you didnt16. Asks for The Usual – Insists on missionary position only17. Asks what the specials are – Will want you to use handcuffs18. Fills up on bread and crackers – Premature ejaculation19. Doesnt finish everything on plate – Has already come20. Insists on having some of whatever you ordered – Will make you sleep on the wet spot21. Changes mind after ordering – Will never call you22. Changes tables – Nymphomaniac23. Drinks Decaffeinated. – Fakes Orgasm (Female)24. Orders in French – Fakes Orgasm (Male)

There are these two friends, a white guy and a black guy. One evening,
theyre in a bar arguing over which of them can have sex the most times in one
night. They decide to settle the issue by going to the local whorehouse and
gathering experimental evidence, as it were.

So they get to the whorehouse, pair off with a couple of the ladies, and go to
their respective rooms.

The white guy energetically balls his whore and, reaching up with a pencil,
makes a | mark on the wall. Then he falls asleep. He wakes up in a
couple of hours and screws the whore again, albeit a little less
enthusiastically this time. Again, he reaches back and marks a | on the
wall. Again, he falls asleep. He wakes up again in a couple of hours and
lethargically humps the hooker again. He drowsily marks another | on the
wall and falls asleep for the rest of the night.

The next morning, the black guy barges into the white guys room to see how he
did. He takes one look at the wall and exclaims,

A hundred and eleven?! You beat me by three!

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
I have just the thing, says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. Just place this between your cheek and gum.
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, And what if I swallow it?
No problem, says the barber. Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does.

Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)Physical properties: Solid at roomtemperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky.Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable toconduct electricity as easily as young samples.Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WOany chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomesexplosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by dousing with alcohol.Usage: None known. Possibly good methanesource. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.Caution: In the absence of WO, this elementrapidly decomposes and begins to smell.Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (dont even go there!)Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.Chemical properties: Very active. Often unstable. Possesses strong affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremelygood catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducingagent known.Caution: Highly explosive in inexperiencedhands.

You will experience great sex within four days of receiving this letter, provided you send it on. Since the copy must tour the world, you must make ten copies and send them to others. This is no joke. 😉

Send no money.

Send copies to people who need to get laid within 96 hours. After he passed this letter on, a Montana Spinach Control Officer got his penis stuck in a cow-milking machine and had the longest series of orgasms of his life.

John Elliot tried to pick up a prostitute, but, because he broke the chain, was picked up by the police instead. When they searched his home, they found magazines of little boys which they showed to his neighbors.

In a suburb of Paris, Don Lorays trousers were ripped by an unsatisfied erection, 51 days after failing to circulate the letter. However, before this happened, a condom machine gave him three condoms for the price of one. (was this the consolation prize?)

Do note the following: Hebert Pudstrom received the chain in 1953. He asked his secretary to make ten copies and send them out. A few days later he encountered her in a red-light district making more than he had ever paid her at work.

General George Patton, who sent the letter on, saw what he thought was a quarter in the street. When he bent down to pick it up, a beautiful woman in a miniskirt walked by, and he got a great view.

Heywood Daddit, an unemployed chicken choker, received the letter and forgot that it had to leave his hands within 96 hours. His wife then went bowling with his best friend and never returned. Later, after finding the letter again, he mailed ten copies. A few days later he got a wife and discovered that his old wife, who he thought was wonderful, had made love to him like a dead salmon for all these years!

Alan Fairchild received the letter and, not believing, threw the letter away. Nine days later he spilled hot coffee in his crotch.

In 1987 the letter received by a young woman in Texas was faded and barely readable, so she did not realize that this paragraph applied to her. She promised herself she would retype the letter and send it on, but she put it aside to do later. She was plagued with problems including herpes and other venereal diseases she contracted in her futile attempts to find Mr. Right in a singles bar. The letter did not leave her hands in 96 hours. She finally typed the letter and found a man with a 10-inch penis.

Beware, however of the fate of the E-mail user at Trent University, Peterborough, ONT, that sent this letter to himself over five thousand times in one afternoon. Before leaving the computer lab a strange woman came up behind him, bit his ear and put her hand down his pants. The ensuing surprise caused him to stumble forward and cry out. As he attempted to arrest his fall by grabbing a nearby PC, a gob of spittle that had been flung from his mouth (as he cried out) landed deep into the inner recesses of the computer, all three (student, strange woman and computer) then experienced simultaneous Cyber-Orgasms of exponential intensity before exploding in a puff of smoking data.

You must distribute at least ten copies within 96 hours of receiving this letter. Those who do will find their love lives more fulfilling. Those who do not will be doomed to one-night stands with mechanical devices!

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrows final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family members death.One smart ass male student said, What about extreme sexual exhaustion?, and the whole classroom burst into laughter.After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write.