You refer to your truck as if it had a legal first name.

Youve ever been given a gun as a present.

Flannel is your favorite color.

Southern Bumper Stickers…

=> The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette. => I dont suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. => Some people are alive only because its illegal to kill them. => I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. => WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. => Youre just jealous because the voices only talk to me. => BEER: Its not just for breakfast anymore. => I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made. => So youre a feminist…Isnt that cute! => Im just driving this way to piss you off. => Keep honking, Im reloading. => As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. => I took an IQ test and the results were negative. => Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. => Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes

Twas the night before Christmas And all through the trailer

Not a creature was stirrin Cept a redneck named Taylor.

His first name was Bubba, Joe was his middle,

And a-runnin down his chin Was a trickle of spittle.

His socks, they were hung by the chimney with care,

And therefore there was a foul stench in the air.

That Bubba got scared And rousted the boys.

There was Rufus, 12; Jim Bob was 11;

Dud goin on 10; Otis was 7.

John, George and Chucky Were 5,4, and 3:

The twins were both girls So they let them be.

They jumped in their overalls, No need for a shirt,

Threw a hat on each head, Then turned with a jerk.

They ran to the gun rack That hung on the wall.

There were 17 shotguns; They grabbed them all.

Bubba said to the younguns, Now hesh up yall!

The last thing we wanna do Is wake up yer Maw.

Maw was expecting And needed her sleep,

So out they crept out the door without making a peep.

They all looked around, and then they all spit.

The younguns asked Bubba, Paw, what is it?

Bubba just stared; He could not say a word.

This was just like all of the stories hed heard.

It was Santy Claus on the roof, Darn tootin

But the boys didnt know; They was about to start shootin!

They aimed their shotguns and nearly made a mistake

That would have resulted in venison steak.

Bubba hollered out, Dont shoot, boys!

Thats Santy Claus And hes brought us some toys.

The dogs were a-barkin And a-raisin cain,

And Bubba whistled, and shouted, And called them by name.

Down, Spot! Shut up Bullet! Quiet, Pete and Roscoe!

Git, Turnip and Tater and Sam and Bosco!

Git down from that porch! Git down off that wall!

Quit shakin the trailer, Or youll make Santy fall!

The dogs kept a-barkin And wouldnt shut up,

And they trampled poor Pete Who was only a pup.

Santy opened his bag, And threw out some toys.

Bubba got most, But left a few for the boys.

Since the guns had been dropped He just might not die.

He jumped in his sleigh, Told his reindeer to hurry.

The trailer started to wobble Santa started to worry.

Just as the reindeer Got into the air,

The trailer collapsed, But Bubba didnt care.

He was busy lookin At all his new toys.

Then a thought hit him, And he said to the boys:

Go check on yer Maw, Make sure shes all right.

That roof fallin on her Could-a hurt just a might.

But Maw was OK, And the girls were too.

They fixed up the trailer; It looked good as new.

And as for Bubba, He liked Old St. Nick,

But Santa thought Bubba Was a pure-in-tee hick!

Bubba had a nice Christmas, And the boys did, too.

And the Taylors wish A Merry Christmas to you!

You might be a redneck if…
You burn your front yard rather than mow it.

You might be a redneck if…
Youve ever bought a used cap.

You might be a redneck if…
A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.

You might be a redneck if…
Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off it.

You think Wal-Mart is expensive.

Youve got more guns On Display than Wal-Mart Sporting Goods.

You have ever written a check for less than a dollar.

You might be a redneck if…
The tobacco chewers in your family arent just men.

Your coat-of-arms features kudzu.

Your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.

You think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.