10. Honey, why is an 18-wheeler from Amazon.com backing into our driveway?

9. One Secret Service agent is sitting on your head while another is slapping cuffs on you.

8. Apparently, your flame war with DonCorleone@mafia.com is about to turn ugly.

7. When you log on, your computer says Youve got lawsuits!

6. Youre suddenly getting more Spam than the Hormel outlet store.

5. Sothebys says the Rembrandt is yours and that you now owe them $71,000,000 and change.

4. You now have 130,000 ClubTop5 subscriptions and the list moderator is on the cover of Business Week.

3. Terse Knock it off, Oedipus e-mail from your Mom.

2. Your wife calls you at the office to report that Pogdi, your Pakistani mail-order bride, has arrived.

1. The resistance welcomes your involvement. Your contact information has been forwarded to a local insurgent who will bring supplies and reinforcements to you immediately.

From Late Show with David Letterman on Tuesday, August 9, 1994

10. Its hosted by Ed McMahon.

9. Amplifiers are just enormous dixie cups.

8. Every song contains a plug for Green Giant frozen vegetables.

7. Youre asked to put on a hat and sunglasses and the next thing you know, youre being introduced as Bob Dylan.

6. One word: polkas.

5. Guy sitting next to you brought a glove and has caught three foul balls.

4. Santana turns out to be a jolly bearded guy with a sackful of presents.

3. Theyre playing May we turn the hose on you, please? [All night Dave sprayed the crowd which gathers outside for each nights show with a hose.]

2. You spot Rush Limbaugh stage-diving.

1. The crowd is chanting, Tito! Tito! Tito!

24. Thou shalt not violate applicable state/federal/local laws hand regulations affecting BBS telecommunications, or thy will feel the wrath of thy judicial system.

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say Theyve found me, I have to leave the country and run off.

Begins each day, I pledge allegiance, to Satan – crap, I mean the flag
Instead of apples, kids place eyes of newt on her desk
On math tests, every word problem begins, A broomstick traveling at 50 miles per hour
During Duck, duck, goose one kid actually turned into a goose
When showing The Wizard of Oz, refers to main character as That bitch Dorothy
She requires students to cover textbooks with skin flayed from a hanged man
Shes the gym teacher (…oops, thats Top Ten Signs Your Teacher Is A Lesbian)
Some kid throws water on her, you get a substitute for the rest of the year
Voodoo doll plus pin equals class clown with giant pain in his ass
She smokes Salems – dude, think about it

MMI, Viacom Internet Services Inc.

Top ten reasons why hockey is better than sex – seen in a collegiate womens hockey club program

The protective equipment is reusable, and you dont even have to wash it.
Its legal to play hockey professionally.
The puck is ALWAYS hard.
Because theres no body checking, you cant get pregnant except in most unusual circumstances.
It lasts a full hour.
You know youre finished when the buzzer sounds.
Your parents cheer when you score.
A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommmon.
Periods last only 15 minutes.
You can count on it at least twice a week.
You can tell your friends about it afterward.

Yes, I realize there are 11 reasons, but the claim is that it is a top ten list. Wendy Istvanick UW-Madison – Go Badgers!!!

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/hes not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

Top 10 Reasons Studying is better than Sex



10. You can usually find someone to do it with.



9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left off.



8. You can finish early without feelings of guilt or shame.



7. When you open a book, you dont have to worry about who else has opened it.



6. A little coffee and you can do it all night.



5. If you dont finish a chapter you wont gain a reputation as a book teaser.



4. You can do it, eat and watch T.V. all at the same time.



3. You dont get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle.



2. You dont have to put your beer down to do it.



1. If you arent sure what youre doing, you can always ask your roommate for help.

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc. . . ). Play with the volume at max level.