You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

45. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.

Top 10 Resolutions You Wont Keep This Year (for Nerds)



10. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk.

9. I will stop sending email to my roommate.

8. I resolve to work with neglected children… my own.

7. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer my email.

6. When I subscribe to a news group or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.

5. I will stay on the computer as long as I want. What? OK, dear… Im coming. Never mind.

4. No more downloads from alt.binaries.*

3. I resolve to back up my new 2 GB hard drive daily… well, once a week… monthly, perhaps…

2. I will spend less than one hour a day on the Net.

1. I wont try to get onto the Netscape web site as soon as a new Navigator beta comes out.

0. When I hear Where do you want to go today? I wont reply MS Tech Support.

-1. I will read the manual.

-2. I will think of a password other than password.

-3. I will limit my top ten lists to ten items.

10. They have about 20 miles before they overheat, breakdown or run out of gas.
9. Only the owner knows how to operate the door to get in or out.
8. It is difficult to drive fast with all the fence tools, grease rags, ropes, chains, syringes, buckets, boots and loose papers in the cab.
7. It takes too long to start, and the smoke coming up through the rusted-out floorboard clouds your vision.
6. The Border Collie on the toolbox looks mean.
5. Theyre too easy to spot. The description might go something like this: The drivers side door is red, the passenger side door is green, the right front fender is yellow, etc.
4. The large round bale in the back makes it hard to see if youre being chased. You could use the mirrors if they werent cracked and covered with duct tape.
3. Top speed is approximately 45 mph.
2. Who wants to steal a truck that needs a years worth of maintenance, u-joints, $3,000 in body work, tail-lights and windshield?
1. It is hard to commit a crime with everyone waving at you.

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out Merry Christmas. If youre really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.

Repeatedly ask, What was your last name again?
Ask her if shes going to finish that lettuce leaf.
Every week, adjust her scale to add an additional pound or two (Wait – thats the way to *kill* a supermodel).
Consistently baffle her with multisyllabic words and compound sentences.
Force her to share a runway with a 747.
Whoopie Cushion Shoulder Pads.
Taunt her with the Pythagorean Theorem and a slice of pizza.
Follow her everywhere, mumbling, Dont hate me because Im beautiful.
Make her wear that loose-fitting size 2 outfit.
Secretly replace her methamphetamines with new Folgers Crystals Methamphetamines.
Move fashion meccas from New York, Paris, and Milan to Newark, Vladivostok, and Anchorage.
Constantly demand a display of her Superhuman powers.
Tell her that global-warming will eventually lead to the erosion of collagen.
Before fixing dinner, ask her if shed rather throw-up meatloaf or throw-up spaghetti.
Keep asking, Are you the one whos married to Billy Joel?

and Topfive.coms Number 1 Way to Annoy a Supermodel…

Two words: CK wedgies.

[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@topfive.com http://www.topfive.com/ ]
[ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use in any manner ]
[ without crediting The Top 5 List at www.topfive.com ]

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you dont know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

I made this up while attending a party where the average IQ was on the order
of that of a small ball of lint. As you probably guessed, I left early.

Top 10 disqualifiers for consideration of relational status:

10. Uses party as a verb.

9. Knows all the words to Why Dont We Get Drunk and Screw?

8. Considers Whooooo! a valid form of expressing approval

7. Thinks quark plasma is a party drink

6. Hair mass > brain mass

5. Thinks electron transfer is a new dance step popularized by the New
Kids on the Block

4. Thinks Dr. Spock has cute pointy ears

3. Has accepted more drinks than IQ, and still isnt drunk

2. Isnt expecting to go home tonight, but is hoping for a ride in the
morning

1. Needs pronunciation guide to read the television listings

Just a few hints about what to say around the office …

Top 20 ways to eloquantly say Your Fly Is Open

The cucumber has left the salad.
I can see the gun of Navarone.
Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.
Youve got Windows in your laptop.
Sailor Neds trying to take a little shore leave.
Your soldier aint so unknown now.
Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bell.
Paging Mr. Johnson… Paging Mr. Johnson…
You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!
The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
Dr. Kimble has escaped!
Youve got your fly set for Monica instead of Hillary.
Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction…
Youve got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
Im talking about Shaft, can you dig it?

and the number one way to tell someone their fly is unzipped…

I thought you were crazy; now I see your nuts.

14. Thou shalt first dial BBS numbers during the day by way of voice line to assure correct numbers.