Bush to Be Smitten Later Today

In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the one nation
under God clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule last nights
Supreme Court decision that handed the White House to George Bush.

Im not sure where the Supreme Court gets off, God said this morning
on a rare Today Show appearance, but Im sure as hell not going to
lay back and let Bush get away with this bullshit.

Ive watched analysts argue for weeks now that the exact votecount in
Florida will never be known. Well, Im God and I do know
exactly who voted for whom. Lets cut to the chase: Gore won Florida
by exactly 20,219 votes.

Shocking political analysts and pundits, Gods unexpected verdict
overrules the official Electoral College tally and awards Florida to
Al Gore, giving him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is analyzing
Gods Word for possible grounds for appeal.

Gods ruling is a classic over-reach, argued Bush campaign
strategist Jim Baker. Clearly, a divine intervention in a U.S.
Presidential Election is unprecedented, unjust, and goes against the
constitution of the state of Florida.

Jim Bakers a jackass, God responded. Hes got some surprises ahead
of him, let me tell you. Hot ones, if you know what I mean.

God, who provided the exact vote counts for every Florida precinct,
explained that bad balloting machinery and voter confusion were no
grounds to give the White House to a friggin idiot. Look, only 612
people in Palm Beach County voted for Buchanan. Get real! The rest
meant to vote for Gore. Dont believe me? Ill name them: Anderson,
Pete; Anderson, Sam, Jr.; Arthur, James; Barnhardt, Ron…

The Lord then went on to note that he was displeased with George W.
Bushs prideful ways and announced that he would officially smite him
today. In an act of wrath unlike any reported since the Book of Job,
God has taken all of Bushs goats and livestock, stripped him of his
wealth and possessions, sold his family into slavery, forced the
former presidential candidate into hard labor in a salt mine, and
afflicted him with deep boils.

Dick Cheney will reportedly receive leprosy.