31
Dec

New Viruses

Should you receive a document with any of the following viruses, you must immediately open the window and throw out your computer. I repeat, do not ever again use your computer should it be infected with ANY of these horrible viruses.

1. Freudian Virus

Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard. Or becomes very jealous of the size of your friends hard drive.

2. Lorena Bobbit Virus

Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.

3. Tonya Harding Virus

Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons.

4. Paul Revere Virus

Warns of an impending virus infection: 1 if by LAN, 2 if by C:

5. Hillary Rodham Clinton Virus

Instantly turns 1K of disk space into 1 Meg.

6. Ollie North Virus

Plays a patriotic .WAV while it shreds your files.

7. Joey Buttafuaco Virus

Only attacks minor files.

8. Ronald Reagan Virus

Saves your data, but forgets where its stored.

9. Jane Fonda Virus

Attacks your hard drives FAT.

10. Oprah Winfrey Virus

Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.

11. AT&T Virus

Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

12. MCI Virus

Every three minutes it reminds you that youre paying too much for the AT&T virus.

13. Politically Correct Virus

Never calls itself a virus, but instead refers to itself as an electronic microorganism.

14. Ross Perot Virus

Activates every component in your system, just before the whole darn thing quits.

15. Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus

Terminates and stays resident. Itll be back.

16. Government Economist Virus

Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

17. Federal Bureaucrat Virus

Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

18. Adam and Eve Virus

Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer.

19. Congressional Virus #1

The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

20. Congressional Virus #2

Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesnt allow the user to accomplish anything.

21. Airline Virus

Youre in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

22. PBS Virus

Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.

23. Jimmy Hoffa Virus

Your programs can never be found again.

24. LAPD Virus

It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in self-defense.

25. O.J. Virus

It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your files and vows to find the virus that did it.

CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED!!!!!

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