T Shirt Collection

A Collection of T Shirt sayings

-Son of Baglady

-Pity the poor egg: it only gets laid once

-The Hunchback of Notre Dames secret mantra: Oh mommy pat my

-Whats good for Ugoose is good for Uganda.

-We have them just where they want us.
J. T. Kirk

-Id rather have Lockheed deliver the mail than ride around in a
plane built by the post office.

-Just because youre not paranoid doesnt mean theyre not out to
get you.

-I figure Im pretty good with the bullshit but I love listening
to an expert. Keep talking.

-Money cant buy happiness but it can certainly rent it for a
couple of hours.

-The meek shall inherit the Earth after were done with it.

-The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the
ground and miss. –Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

-Love is blind but like is just too freaked out to see straight.

-Reality is a crutch for people who cant face drugs.

-When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.–Art Denman

-Sex is a disrobic experience

-Beam me up, Scotty. Theres no intelligent life down here.–J.T. Kirk

-Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from
mediocre minds.–Albert Einstein

-Time flies when you dont know what youre doing.

-Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.

-We are the people our parents warned us about.

-Dont take life too seriously. Youll never get out of it alive.

-Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.

-How much sin can I get away with and still go to heaven?

-There is intelligent life on Earth, but Im just visiting.

-Power means not having to respond.

-Onward, through the fog.

-Never kick a man unless hes down.

-Everything you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.

-We should forgive our enemies, but only after theyve been taken
out and shot.

-The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that
youve got it made.

-Im not as dumb as you look.

-Id like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

-Everyone needs belief in something. I believe Ill have another

-How can I love you if you wont lie down?

-Id rather be pissed off than pissed on.

-You can find sympathy between shit and syphilis in the

-When in charge, ponder. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble,

-To err is human. To forgive is unusual.

-Only those who attempt the absurd can achieve the impossible.

-Im not going deaf. Im ignoring you.

-Im the person your mother warned you about.

-How can I tell you I love you when youre sitting on my face?

-God is dead and I want His job.

-Work is the curse of the drinking class.

-I can tell youre lying. Your lips are moving.

-Our parents were never our age.

-Nothing was ever accomplished by a reasonable person.

-Theres nothing more restful than taking orders from fools.

-Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

-In the country of the blind the one eyed man is lynched.

-He who laughs last has not been told the terrible truth.

-Its hard to soar like an eagle when youre surrounded by

-When Im good, Im very good. But when Im bad Im better.–Mae West

-Im really enjoying not talking to you, so lets not talk again
real soon, okay?

-He who laughs last didnt get the joke.

-Obviously the only rational solution to your problem is suicide.

-You cant fall off the floor.

-Death is the greatest kick of all. Thats why they save it for

-Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me.–Mae West

-Im not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.

-I think I could fall madly in bed with you.

-I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with
the lost.

-Yesterday was the deadline on all complaints.

-Work fascinates me. I could sit and watch it for hours.

-Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

-I worship the ground that awaits you.

-The future isnt what it used to be.

-I wish you were a beer.

-I want to live forever or die in the attempt.

-Love means telling you why youre sorry.

-Love your enemies. Itll make em crazy.

-Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.

-I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.

-Im having a party in my pants. Want to come?

-Why be difficult when with a bit of effort you can be

-Perfect paranoia is perfect awareness.

-Better dead than mellow.

-If I follow you home will you keep me?

-A day without fusion is like a day without sunshine.

-There is no gravity. The Earth sucks.

-Bureaucrats do not change the course of the ship of state. They
merely adjust the compass.

-The difference between meat and fish is that if you beat your
fish it dies

-Its better to have a gun and not need it than to need a gun and
not have it.

-You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a
kind word.

-Dont think of organ donations as giving up part of yourself to
keep a total stranger alive. Its really a total stranger giving
up almost all of themselves to keep part of you alive.

-The number of people watching you is directly proportional to
the stupidity of your action.

-Drink wet cement: Get Stoned.

-Kite fliers keep it up longer.

-My human experience is just beginning (This one on a little
kids shirt)

-If you dont know what youre doing, do it neatly.

-An easily understood, workable falsehood is more useful than a
complex, incomprehensible truth.

-You have a right to your opinions. I just dont want to hear

-Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to
you for the rest of the day.

-Nuke the whales

-Join the Army: travel to exotic distant lands; meet exciting,
unusual people and kill them.

-Well get along fine as soon as you realize Im God.

-Life is like a shit sandwich. The more bread you have, the less
shit you have to eat.

-I dont know. I dont care. And it doesnt make any difference.

-Those of you who think they know everything are very annoying to
those of us who do.

-When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one
Ive never tried before.

-Its not that you and I are so clever, but that the others are
such fools.

-If you cant dazzle em with brilliance, baffle em with

-Im not cynical. Just experienced.

-The torture never stops.

-Ignore alien orders.

-I know you think you understood what I said, but what you heard
was not what I meant.

-Im not wearing any underwear. Film at 11.

-Bend over. Ill drive.

-I dont have a drinking problem.
I drink,
I get drunk,
I fall down,
No problem.

-Save our beaches. Harpoon a fat chick.

-We dive at five.

-Id walk over you to see the Who.

-Its hard to be humble when youre as great as I am.

-Im for lust.

-I want a meal, not a snack.

-Bullshit Detector. When alarm sounds, please re-engage your

-The word today is Legs … Spread the word.


Most viewed Jokes (20)