Q: Why did God give men penises?

A: So wed have at least one way to shut a woman up.

Q: How is a woman like a laxative?

A: They both irritate the shit out of you.

Q: Whats worse than a male chauvinist pig?

A: A woman that wont do what shes told.

Q: Whats it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down?

A: Marriage.

Q: Why are hangovers better than women?

A: Hangovers will go away.

Q: What are the small bumps around a womans nipples for?

A: Its Braille for suck here.

Q: Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds?

A: Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

Q: What does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesnt?

A: Her navel.

Q: Why do men die before their wives?

A: They want to.

Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?

A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Q: Whats the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull?

A: Lipstick.

Q: Whats a wife?

A: An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.

Q: Why do women have tits?

A: So men will talk to them.

Q: Why do women close their eyes during sex?

A: They cant stand seeing a man have a good time.

Q: Whats six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild?

A: Money.

Q: Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

A: You can unscrew a light bulb.

Q: Why do women have periods?

A: They deserve them.

Q: Why did God make man first?

A: He didnt want a woman looking over his shoulder.

Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you done wrong?

A: Made her chain too long.

Q: Why was the woman crossing the road?

A: Who cares! Whats she doing out of the kitchen anyway?

Q: How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

Q: Whats the difference between your wife and your job?

A: After 5 years your job will still suck.

Q: Why cant you trust woman?

A: How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesnt die.