Un tipo llega a pedir trabajo en una granja y el dueño lo interroga:
¿Sabes arrear ganado?
¡No!
¿Sabes manejar tractor?
¡No!
Y asà le siguió haciendo preguntas, a las cuales el individuo le contestaba siempre que no. El granjero, ya desesperado, le pregunta:
En concreto, ¿qué sabes hacer?
Y presto el hombre le responde:
¡Ah, pues en concreto si me la pellizca, porque soy albañil!
Llega un pollito a una cantina y le pregunta al barman:
¿Señor, tiene uvas?
No, no tengo.
Se va tristemente el pollito y en 5 minutos regresa y vuelve a preguntar:
¿Señor, tiene uvas?
El hombre, un poco molesto, le responde:
No pollo, ya te dije que no.
Nuevamente se va el pollo aún más triste, y en 5 minutos regresa y vuelve a preguntar:
¿Señor, tiene uvas?
El barman ya enfurecido le dice al pollo:
¡Mira, pollo, si me vuelves a preguntar eso te clavo las patas a la barra!
El pollo casi llorando se va, pero en 10 minutos está de regreso y esta vez le pregunta:
¿Señor, tiene clavos?
Asombrado el barman responde: ¡No!
A lo que el pollo responde:
En ese caso, ¿Tiene uvas?
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: Its on. Its off. Its on. Its off. Its on. Its off.
Gotlieb called his Rabbi and said, I know tonight is Kol Nidre but tonight is the European Cup Final and my team is playing . Ive got to watch the game on TV.
The Rabbi responds, Gotlieb, thats what VCRs are for.
Gotlieb is surprised. You mean I can tape Kol Nidre?
2 men are sitting in a Bar, talking about space travelling
We, Americans, can easily fly to the planet Mars.
We, Belgians, can easily fly to the Sun.
To the sun??? But the Sun … is much too hot!
Thats why we go by night.
One day, a girl walked up to her mother and looked at her mothers
hair and sadly said: Why is some of your hair white mommy?
The mother replied, Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turn white.
The girl thought about this revelation a while, and then said… Momma, how come *all* of grandmas hairs are white?
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?One less drunk.
Heres my favourite recipe for fruit cake.
Youll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky.
Sample the whisky to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Dont forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whisky again and go to bed.
Explaining their policy on not cashing checks for people who dont have accounts with their bank, the teller said, Why if he didnt have an account here, I wouldnt cash a check for my own brother.
The irate customer replied, Well … you know your family a lot better than I.
The brunette. The blonde has to stop and ask for directions.