Two retired professors were vacationing with their wives at a hotel in the Catskills. They were sitting on the veranda one summer evening, watching the sunset.
The history professor asked the psychology professor, Have you read Marx?
The professor of psychology replied, Yes. I think its these pesky wicker chairs.
Esta uno del Lepe escuchando la radio, cuando de repente, la radio se extropea y el de Lepe se extraña porque era nueva. Entonces abre la radio y al abrirla sale una cucaracha muerta y dice ¡hay se me murió el cantante!
Yo mama so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.
Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before takeoff a fat, little Israeli guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, I think Ill go up and get a coke.
No problem, said the Israeli. Ill get it for you. While he was gone, the Arab picked up the Israelis shoe and spit in it. When the Israeli returned with the coke, the other Arab said, That looks good. I think Ill have one too.
Again, the Israeli obligingly went to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab other picked up the other shoe and spit in it. The Israeli returned with the coke, and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to New York.
As the plane was landing the Israeli slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
How long must this go on? he asked. This enmity between our peoples….. this hatred… this animosity… this spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?
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There are more jokes like this at http://www.dirtylaughs.com
Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef.
If at first you dont succeed, cheat!
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said DONT WALK.
One day this guy, who has been stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon.
Its certainly not a ship,he thinks to himself.
As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.
Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes this drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She approaches the stunned guy and asks, How long has it been since youve had a cigarette?
Ten years! he says.
She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag, and says, Man, oh man! Is that ever good!
She then asks him, How long has it been since youve had a sip of good bourbon?
Trembling, he replies, Ten Years!
She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask, and gives it to him.
He opens the flask, takes a long swig, and says, Wow, thats absolutely fantastic!
Then she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at him seductively and asks, And how long has it been since youve played around?
The guy, with tears in his eyes, replies, Oh sweet Jesus! … Dont tell me youve got golf clubs in there!
Everyone hear the news about Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty being expelled from Disneyland?
Apparently all three were co-conspirators in the kidnapping of Pinocchio.
For several days, they tied him up, and each took turns sitting on his face, telling him to lie, lie, lie!!!