Old and New Jokes

There was a little guy sitting at a bar drinking a beer. A while later a huge guy walked into the bar and he went up to the little guy and karate chopped him in the back. The little guy fell off his bar stool and when he got up the big guy said, That was a karate chop from Korea.

The big guy went to the restroom and the little guy ordered himself another beer. About 20 minutes later the big guy came back and karate choped the little guy in the back again. The little guy got up and dusted himself off and the big guy told him,That was a karate chop from China.

The little guy got up and decided he wasnt going to take any more of this, so he left the bar. About an hour later the little guy comes back to the bar and he hits the big guy in the back. The big guy is knocked out cold and hes on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender , Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears!

First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks.

Hillary says to Janet, Youre lucky that you dont have to put up with men having sex with you.

I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker.

Janet responded, Just because I am aesthetically challenged (thats politically correct for ugly) doesnt mean I dont have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances.

Hillary asks, Well, how do you deal with the problem?

Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart that I can, says Janet.

That night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary slips into bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action.

She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him. She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine.

Bill rolls over and says, Janet, is that you?

Q. Why did the male sheep fall off the cliff?



A. He didnt see the Ewe turn!

Bill Clinton is walking around in the White House when he stumbles upon a very old lamp. He picks it up and rubs it. Within seconds, a genie pops out

I will grant you but one wish the genie says.



Clinton thinks it over, and says, I wish for peace in the middle east.



Where is that? the genie asks.



Clinton pulls out a map and points to the mid-east.



Are you kidding? Do you have any idea how long theyve been fighting over there? Theres no way I can stop that! Pick another wish instead.



Clinton thinks it over and says, I wish that the American people wouldnt make fun of me and my wife, and that I will be remembered as the best President of all time.





The genie says, Let me see that map again.

Q. What was the witchs favorite subject in grade school?

A. Spelling

In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.

How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb?

Five, and you shouldve seen the light bulb! It must have been thiiiiis big.

Because she is her brother.

Heard this from a friend who heard it from my brother… who didnt
tell ME this joke. Ill get him for that…

Jesus was at a disco and having trouble dancing, so he says, Help!
Ive risen and I cant get down!

You might be a redneck if…
The tobacco chewers in your family arent just men.