A guy goes to the tatoo parlor and offers the tattoo artist $1,000 to
put a $100 bill on his willie. The artist agrees, but is curious and
asks the man why he wants to do this.
The man replies, I have my reasons which I would rather not tell right now.
So, the artist goes ahead and does the job. But, all the while he is anxious with curiosity over why this man wants a $100 bill on his penis.
So, he tells the man that he really needs to know the reason why and says that the man can keep the $1000 he would have paid for the tatoo if he would just tell the reason for putting a $100 bill on his willie.
So, the man consents and offers these three reasons: First, I like to play with my money. Second, I like to watch my money grow. And third, and most importantly, the next time my wife wants to blow $100, she can stay home to do it.
Posted in Naughty |
Un oso y un conejo caminaban por el bosque, peleando y discutiendo, cuando de pronto encontraron una lámpara maravillosa. El genio les concedió tres deseos a cada uno.
El oso pidió primero: Yo quiero que todos los osos de este bosque sean hembras. Concedido.
El conejo pidió: Yo quiero un casco de moto. Concedido.
El oso, extrañado con el deseo del conejo, continuó con su segundo deseo: Para estar seguro, deseo que los osos de todos los bosques vecinos sean hembras. Concedido.
El conejo solicita su segundo deseo: Yo quiero una moto Harley Davidson. Concedido.
El oso, asombrado por los gustos del conejo, hace su tercer deseo: No quiero correr riesgos, quiero que todos los osos del mundo sean hembras. Concedido.
El conejo arranca en su moto y cuando está a 100 metros grita su último deseo:
¡¡¡Que el oso sea puto!!!
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Llega un tontilandés a una tienda y le pregunta al vendedor:
Señor, ¿en cuánto me vende ese televisor?
No le vendemos a tontilandeses, le responde el vendedor.
A la semana, vuelve vestido de mujer y pregunta por el televisor.
No le vendo a tontilandeses.
A la semana regresa disfrazado de rapero y de nuevo pregunta por el televisor.
No le vendo a tontilandeses.
Oiga señor, ¿usted como sabe que soy de Tontilandia?
¡Porque eso no es un televisor… ¡es un horno de microondas!
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Iban dos amigos en el auto y el que conduce le dice al acompañante:
Hey, mira como paso la luz roja.
¡No! pero estás loco para !PARA!
No, si mi hermano siempre lo hace.
En el siguiente semáforo:
Mira mira como paso la luz roja.
¡Pero para, estás enfermo!
No quédate tranquilo, mi hermano siempre lo hace.
Y asà como por cinco semáforos más,de repente uno en luz verde y el tipo frena de golpe y el acompañante le dice:
Pasaste luces rojas y ahora con la verde frenas, dale, acelera pelotudo.
¡No, mira si viene mi hermano!
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall:
$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!
When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant dung on rye.
She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose!
The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customers table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, –
You got me that time buddy, but I want you to know thats the first time in ten years weve been out of rye bread!
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Two blondes were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching the town of Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one blonde asked the manager, Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are – very slowly?
The manager leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing.
Posted in Blonde |
All good things must come to an end, I just want to know when they start!
Posted in Business |
If you think there is good in everybody,
you havent met everybody.
Posted in One Liners |
A blonde went to the bathroom to pop her huge zit on her boob. When her friend walked in asked her what she was doing, the blonde replied, Trying to pop this huge zit on my boob!
Her friend answered, Thats not a zit. Thats your nipple!
Posted in Blonde |
The other day Bill Clinton was seen running around the White House with a pair of womens panties wrapped around his arm. When an aide finally had the timerity to ask him what that was all about he confided Im trying to quit so I went on the patch!
font size=1>Note: People trying to quit smoking sometimes use the patch – a transdermal nicotine patch you wear on your skin.
Posted in Political |