Two men were on an Alaskan bear hunt. On season opening morning, a light snow fell, and one man stayed in the cabin while the other man went out hunting. He soon found a huge grizzly and shot at it, but only wounded it.
The enraged bear charged toward the hunter, he dropped his rifle, and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step.
Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over the man and went rolling into the cabin.
The guy jumped up, closed the cabin door, and yelled to his friend inside, You skin this one while I go and get another!
15
Apr
14
Apr
If you think Purina is some kind of Ex-Lax.
Youve ever given a set of Tupperware ice tea glasses as a wedding present.
Your dungarees expose more than half of your crack in the back because the weight of your pocket knife.
14
Apr
La maestra manda a los alumnos a investigar sobre cosas que contengan pelos. Al dÃa siguiente:
A ver tú, Anita.
La toalla, maestra.
Muy bien. Tú, Juanito.
La alfombra, maestra.
¡Perfecto!
A ver tú, Pepito.
Las bolas de billar, maestra.
Pero, Pepito, las bolas de billar no tienen pelos.
¿Ah, no? ¡Villar muestra tus bolas!
14
Apr
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Cigarette!
Cigarette who?
Cigarette life if you dont weaken!
14
Apr
What do you get when you cross Ted Kaczyski with Monica Lewinsky?
– Dynamite Blowjobs.
14
Apr
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
14
Apr
Told by Don Criqui on NBC morning news:
After telling of Jose Cansecos recent run-in with an airline stewardess
over not wanting to wear a seatbelt…
Once when Muhammed Ali was flying, the stewardess came over and asked
him to fasten his seatbelt. Ali told the stewardess, Superman dont
need no seatbelt.
The stewardess replied, Champ, Superman dont need no plane.
14
Apr
There was no action at the White House the past few days, hear about this?
Yea, I guess it was labeled a No Open Fly zone!
14
Apr
Shaves head and beard, then insists on being called Santa Kurtz.
Tells kids about the comparative kill ratio of the AK-47 over the Daisy Air Rifle.
Those nasty chewing tobacco streaks in his beard.
Has a complimentary tray of North Pole Tundra Oysters ready for the toddlers.
After every childs request, asks, Wouldnt you rather have a nice big bag of clams?
The twinkle in his eye and the twitch of his nose are due to a lack of medication.
Every so often, snaps into a Slim Jim and growls, Youve been bad and now youre going down, punk!
Actually enjoys it when small children urinate on his lap.
Promises children O.J. will be cleared of all wrongdoing.
Caught drinking red wine with fish during break.
Hey kid, bet I can wet my pants faster than you can!
Insists on blowing his nose in childrens hair.
Despite massive photographic evidence to the contrary, claims to have never worn white gloves or shiny black boots.
That snowy beard? Nothin but nose hair.
Answers every childs toy request with Dream on, PeeWee!
When a child wets on his lap, he returns the favor.
Instead of a candy cane, gives each kid a pack of Marlboros and a homemade venison pie.
While its admittedly a nifty trick, blowing smoke rings out of his tracheotomy hole is just scaring the hell out of the kiddies.
14
Apr
Send me some gifs
To harden my dick
Maybe topless pix
Of that Star Trek chick.
And while youre sending
Id quite like to know
That hundred dollar recipe
For great cookie dough.
And send me a dollar
So Ill get rich quick
And a video tape
of last weeks The Tick.
Send me your password
And a Dvorak keyboard.
Send a Pentium Chip
And a Model T Ford.
Please send some webspace
And the secret to life
And a third-world virgin
Mail-order wife
And round trip tickets
to Frisco Bay
And a polo pony
and a bail of hay
And a bail of reefer
And a bucket of booze
And all of Imelda
Marcoss shoes
And a swimming pool
And a great big house
And an autographed photograph
Of Mickey Mouse.
Add me to the list!
And what ever you do,
Just please oh please
Cant you send me a clue?