I was married 3 times explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner, and Ill never marry again. My first 2 wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my 3rd wife died of a fractured skull.
Thats a shame. said his friend , How did it happen?
She wouldnt eat the fucking mushrooms!
La madre de tres hijas les pregunta a cada una cómo tienen el miembro sus respectivos esposos.
La primera anuncia que su esposo lo tiene largo pero delgado; a lo que la madre responde:
Eso es elegancia, hija.
La segunda responde que su marido lo tiene gordo pero corto; a lo que la mamá declara:
Eso es potencia, hija.
La tercera informa, con ternura, que su hombre lo tiene largo y gordo; la madre manifiesta:
¡Eso es verga, mhija.
A man walked into a pet store looking for a new pet for his wife.
So he asked the salesman for some assistance. The salesguy brought the man to a parrot in the back.
Now this is the perfect pet for your wife, Chet is an very special animal the salesman said.
What makes him so special? the man asked.
The salesman took a lighter from his pocket and held it under the Chets right foot, and Chet started to sing Jingle bells, jingle bells.. and then the salesman held the lighter under is left foot and Chet started to sing Deck the halls…
So the man asked, What happens if you hold the lighter between his feet?
Well I dont know answered the salesman.
So he holds the lighter between the parrots legs and instantly Chet began to sing…
Chets nuts roasting on an open fire…
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says: The parrot on the left costs 500 dollars.
Why, does the parrot cost so much? asks the man. The owner says, Well the parrot knows how to use a computer.
The man then asks about the next parrot and is told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the first parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.
Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot and
is told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question, What can it do?
To which the owner replies, To be honest I have never seen it do a thing but the other two call him boss!
The Last Ones Law Of Program Generators: A program generator creates programs that are more buggy than the program generator.
…took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
It is better to rule in hell, then to serve in Heaven.
There is legend that goes like this: In a bar in New York there is a magical mirror If you go up to it and tell it the truth it will grant you a wish If you lie – poof it swallows you up.
A brunette, a blonde and a redhead walk into this bar. They head straight for the mirror. The redhead goes first and says I think Im the most beautiful woman on Earth Poof- the mirror swallows her up.
The brunette goes up to the mirror and says I think Im the sexiest woman on Earth Poof – the mirror swallows her up.
Last, the blonde goes up to the mirror says I think…….. Poof!!
Whats six inches long and guaranteed to give British Jewish women pleasure?
A ten pound note
TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign..
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, School
Ahead, Go Slow.