REVENUE CANADA *T1-SIMPLIFIED TAX FORM
New Simplified Tax Form for 2000 Taxes
1. How much money did you make in 2000?
2. Send it to us.
27
May
27
May
In marriage, the bridge gets a shower. But for the groom, its curtains!
27
May
27
May
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they just couldnt! The blonde with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath. The other blonde said anxiously, Hurry up! Its starting to rain and the top is down.
27
May
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a vending machine? A: Nothing…..you get what you paid for.
27
May
WALT WHITMAN: To cluck the song of itself
MR.SCOTT: Cos ma wee transporter beam wasna functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain!
JACK NICHOLSON: Cause it (CENSORED) wanted to. Thats the (CENSORED) reason.
KARL MARX: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
MARK TWAIN: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
ROBERT FROST: To cross the road less traveled by.
EMILY DICKINSON: Because it could not stop for death.
GILLIGAN: The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail; the chicken would be lost. The chicken would be lost!
BUDDHA: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
FOX MULDER: No government agency has jurisdiction over the chicken. The chicken is out there, Scully, and we will find it.
PEE WEE HERMAN: He didnt want me choking him. JFK:Ask not why the chicken crosses the road, but what you can do to help him cross it.
O.J. SIMPSON: I will be asking that question for the rest of my life until I find the real person who made the chicken cross that road.
L.A. POLICE DEPARTMENT: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and Ill find out.
COLONEL SANDERS: What? I missed one?
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BOB DYLAN: How many roads must one chicken cross?
HP LOVECRAFT: To escape the eldritch, cthonic, rugose, polypous, indescribably horrible abomination not from our space-time continuum.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
BUDDY: It needed to click on a banner.
27
May
A woman asks her husband if hed like some breakfast. Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee to follow? she asks. He declines. Its this Viagra, he says, Its really taken the edge off my appetite.At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. A bowl of home- made soup, home-made muffins or a cheese sandwich? she inquires.He declines. Its this Viagra, he says, Its really taken the edge off my appetite.Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. Shell go to the store and buy him some food. Would you like maybe a steak and apple pie? Maybe youd like a pizza micro waved or a tasty stir-fry? That would only take a couple of minutes.He declines. Its this Viagra, he says, Its really taken the edge off my appetite.Well, she says, would you mind letting me up, then? Im starving!
27
May
one Jedi night
27
May
The local priest returns to his car to find a traffic warden in the process of giving him a parking ticket.
Priest: Hello there, you couldnt see youre way clear to forgetting about that could you, my son.
TW: Sorry, farther, once Ive started filling the form in Ive got to finish
Priest: Thats OK. Its my fault. I parked in the wrong place.
TW: Thats very good of you, we usually get all kinds of abuse in these circumstances.
Priest: Wouldnt here of such a thing, after all it was my fault. Were having a tea party this weekend would you like to come?
TW: Well, that is good of you, farther. Yes, Ill be there. Its so refreshing to talk to someone who understands the position Im in.
Priest: Maybe you would like to bring youre mother and farther along, as well, and I could marry them!
27
May
APPETIZERS
ROSE LOPEZ NACHOS………….$3.55
Spicy, with a thick Spanish Accent,Nachos
havent been this good since.. I cant
remember!
SOUPS & SALADS
DEJURY………………….$3.95
Aged for one year. May be bitter.
KATO SALAD…………………$3.95
An Empty head of lettuce with very little
dressing
FROM THE BAR
PAULA BARBIERI COCKTAIL…$4.95
Cool, with a little honey on the side. Goes
down real easy.
MARCIA CLARK BEER…………$2.85
We thought we had a case, but now were not
sure.
SANDWICHES
SIMPSON ALIBI SANDWICH…….$3.95
Full of bologna and hard to swallow, but a lot
of people are buying it.
FROM THE GRILL
MARK FURMAN CHICKEN….$4.95
Absolutely NO dark meat!
DENNIS FUNG PLATE…………$22.95
Grilled detective served open faced. May be
contaminated.
DESSERTS
Sorry, our bakery is temporarily closed. The
lawyers have taken all the dough.