Whats the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Maybe someday well find Bigfoot.
11
Feb
11
Feb
The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much.
The study revealed that this is due to the fact
that WonTon spelled backwards is Not Now.
10
Feb
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Odette!
Odette who?
Odettes a bad sign!
10
Feb
The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with.
So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents. When he asked baby bear about living with his father, baby bear said No, I cant live with Papa bear, he beats me terribly.
OK, said the judge, then you want to live with your mother, right?
No way! replied baby bear, She beats me worse than Papa bear does.
The judge was a bit confused by this, and didnt quite know what to do. Well, you have to live with someone, so is there any relatives you would like to stay with? asked the judge.
Yes, answered baby bear, my aunt Bertha bear who lives in Chicago.
Youre sure she will treat you well and wont beat you? asked the judge.
Oh definitely, said baby bear, the Chicago Bears dont beat anybody.
10
Feb
Q. What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
A. Cough, gag, choke, etc.
10
Feb
Va un tigre por la selva en un dia domingo, paseando en muy buena onda, queriendo conversar con todo el mundo.
De pronto se encuentra con un conejo y el tigre le dice, Señor conejo, qué gusto de verlo, venga y converse un rato conmigo.
El conejo lo mira asustado y le dice, ¿Estás loco? Yo sé que tú me vas a comer. Y sale corriendo.
El tigre sigue su camino alegremente, y de pronto se encuentra con una jirafa, y le dice, Señora jirafa, venga siéntese a mi lado y conversemos amigablemente y le prometo que no la comeré. La jirafa sale arrancando mientras le grita, Tú me vas a comer, chaooo.
El tigre se comienza a preocupar y se dice que hará lo imposible para convencer al próximo que encuentre de que no lo va a comer y sigue caminando, cuando en lo alto de un árbol ve a un monito que está comiendo plátanos, levanta la cabeza y le grita, Hola monito ¿como estás, qué gusto de verte, por qué no bajas y conversamos un rato? Te juro por mi madre que no te voy a comer
El mono se lo queda mirando y le dice, Nooo tigre, tú me vas a comer, siempre es asÃ.
El tigre insiste, Qué quieres que haga para convencerte monito, dime, estoy dispuesto a todo.
El mono le dice, Haz algo que me dé seguridad.
El tigre comienza a amarrarse mientras le dice, Como puedes ver monito me estoy amarrando para que tengas la certeza de que no te voy a comer, ¿lo ves? Ahora puedes bajar, estoy inmovilizado.
El mono lo mira y comienza a bajar temblorosamente. El tigre le dice, Ya no tengas miedo monito, mÃrame cómo estoy.
Y el monito le dice No es por miedo que tirito, sino por la emoción, es LA PRIMERA VEZ QUE ME VOY A COGER A UN TIGRE.
10
Feb
One day, two rednecks named Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of Budweisers.
The passenger, Bubba, said Lookey thar up ahead Earl, its a po-leece roadbloack! Were gonna get busted fer drinkin these here beers!!
Dont worry Bubba, Earl said. Well just pull over and finish drinkin these beers, peel off the label and stick it on out forheads, then throw the bottles under the seat.
What fer? asked Bubba.
Just let me do the talkin, okay? said Earl.
They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, Have you boys been drinking?
No sir, said Earl, Were on the patch.
10
Feb
Seems Ms. Lewinski went to her favorite cleaners the other day. She
said to the owner, I have another dress for you to clean.
Being hard of hearing, he replied, Come again?
No, Lewinsky said, Mustard!
10
Feb
What happened to the blind skunk? He fell in love with a fart.
10
Feb
A wife arriving home from a shopping trip was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:
Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. While I was driving along the highway, I saw this young girl here, looking tired and bedraggled, so I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast beef you had forgotten in the refrigerator. She had only some worn-out sandals on her feet, so I gave her a pair of good shoes you had discarded because they had gone out of style. She was cold, so I gave her the sweater I bought you for your birthday that you never wore because the colors didnt suit you. Her slacks were worn out, so I gave her a pair of yours that were perfectly good but too small for you now.
Then, as the young girl was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, Is there anything else your wife doesnt use anymore?