Old and New Jokes

According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria,

BC recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror

Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blondes ear?

A: Data transfer.

The story goes that there was this lady married to a Caucasian. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but anyhow managed to communicate with her husband.

The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butchers and wanted to buy pork legs. She didnt know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs.

The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didnt know what to say, and so unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted.

The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. She brought her husband to the store …
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PS. What were U thinking?

She brought her husband along because the guy could speak English!

A mathematician, a physicist, and a statistician go out on a duck hunt. They have only one gun. The come across some geese and the mathematician quickly calculates the distance, the velocity, the angle, etc. and shoots.

Well, he misses by a foot to the LEFT!

They come across geese again, and this time the physicist takes the gun. After calculating all the angles, flight paths, velocities, etc. the physicist also takes into consideration the gravity, air frictions, and such things … and fires!

Well, s/he misses by a foot to the RIGHT!

The statistician jumps up and down, yelling, We gotem! We gotem!

Llega un parroquiano y con mucha prisa, le dice al que atiende el bar:

¡Deme tres whiskeys bien rápido, pero bien rápido!

El barman se los empieza a servir, y le pregunta: ¿Cual es la prisa?

Si usted tuviera lo que yo tengo, también tendría prisa por acabarse los tragos.

¿Y qué es lo que tiene usted?

¡Sólo tengo 50 centavos!

Llega un niño y se le queda viendo los senos a la madre y le pregunta:

Mami, ¿qué es eso?

¡Son dos flotadores!, responde sorprendida la madre.

Pocos días después, el niño le comenta a la madre:

Mami, yo creo que la empleada va para la playa.

¿Por qué?

Porque ayer papi le estaba inflando los flotadores.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?

A: You put her in a circular room and tell them to sit in the corner.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Marmalade!
Marmalade who?
Marmalade me said the little chicken!

Why do we drive on the parkways, and park on the driveways?

A blonde was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.

I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. He said. The next time I see you, youll have lost at least 5 pounds.

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

Why, thats amazing! the doctor said, Did you follow my instructions?

The blonde nodded. Ill tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day.

From hunger, you mean?

No, from skipping!