The wife comes home from a night at bingo with a new fur coat. She says Honey, look what I won at bingo.



Next week she comes home from bingo with a large diamond ring. She says,Honey look what I won at bingo.



Next week she come home from bingo driving a new porsche, she says Honey, look what I won at bingo.



The next week as she is preparing to get ready for bingo, the husband asks – Honey shall I draw you a bath? To which she replies Why sure.



As the wife enters the tub she notices there is less than a inch of water in the tub.



She asks how am I supposed to take a bath in this amount of water?



To which the husband replies…

I wouldnt want you to get your bingo card wet!

Dont marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

A: Chirpes. Its one of those canarial diseases. I hear its untweetable.

A large, heavy, blunt object used to forcibly inject
clues into those who have proven otherwise clue-resistant.

Sometimes this is done by inducing unconsciousness, thereby raising the
clue level in a subject who was formerly negatively clued.

Sales person: Hello, may I speak to the man of the house please? Youngster: (whispering) No, hes busy.

Sales person: Well then, can I please speak to your mother? Youngster: (in a whisper) Shes busy too.

Sales person: I see, how about your brother or sister? Can I speak to him? Youngster: (whispering) No. Theyre both busy too.

Sales person: (losing patience) Is there anybody else there I could talk to??? Youngster: (in a whisper) Yeah, the police are here…but they are busy too….

Sales person: ( by now quite exasperated) What are all these people doing that keeps them so busy?!!! Youngster: (still whispering) Looking for me.

A man and his wife were sitting in church, the man was sleeping and his wife was knitting. The priest asked "Who created the Earth and man?" The woman poked the man with her knitting needle and the man screamed, "GOD!" The Priest looked at him and said, "Thats right." Then he asked "Who is Gods son?" Once more the woman poked her husband with the needle, he woke up and screamed, "Jesus Christ!" Again, the priest said, "Correct." Finally, the priest asked, "What did Eve say to Adam when she didnt want any more children?" The knitter poked her husband again, but this time he screamed "Poke me with that thing one more time and Im going to rip it off!" The priest smiled and said, "Thats right."

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil…

POLITICIAN – A person who divides all available time between running for office and running for cover.

From: Lela Lowe – llowe@admin.aurora.edu

Jay Leno: This is a rough election year. … Huffingtons illegal nanny has started running negative ads against Feinsteins illegal nanny
(Tonight, NBC, 11/4).
David Letterman: Big election on Tuesday and that means just about now Ted Kennedy should be auditioning strippers for the victory party.
(Late Show, CBS, 11/4).
David Letterman, on the ugly campaign: You look at some of these races around the country and you think its just a damn shame somebody has to win.
Letterman: President Clinton is the only president weve ever had who when someone holds up a baby, he doesnt know whether to kiss it or deny knowing the mother
(Late Show, CBS, 11/7).
Jay Leno, on Huffington calling Sens. Barbara Boxer and Dianne Feinstein the Thelma and Louise of CA politics: Thats got to be tough being attacked by the Forrest Gump of American politics.
Leno: You can tell the candidates are getting desperate in the last hours of the campaign. Yesterday, Ollie North stopped lying and Chuck Robb slept with his own wife
(Tonight, NBC, 11/7).
Conan OBrien, on George Foreman knocking out Michael Moorer: Its amazing that a guy in his mid-forties, who cant stop eating cheeseburgers is that powerful. I mean, besides President Clinton
(Late Night, NBC, 11/7).
From: Orlando Doc Griego – ovgcsu@lamar.colostate.edu

What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair brown? Artificial intelligence.

A man went to visit his doctor. Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please? the man pleads.
The doctor rolls up the mans sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. Hello, Doctort; says the arm. Could you lend me twenty bucks please? Im desperate!
Aha! says the doctor.
I see the problem. Your arm is broke!