Old and New Jokes

A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.

Bholaji ( to doctor ) : Doctor, I have a problem.

Doctor : Whats your problem?

Bholaji : I keep forgetting things.

Doctor : Since when do you have this problem?

Bholaji : What problem?

What did the lima bean say before it went into the pot?Sufferin succotash!

(From hpwrc!hplabs!sun!plato!janos)

According to several press reports, the new drug of choice is
licking toads.

What a great lead!!

Yes, Bufo Alvirus (Sonoran desert toad to you simple folk) secretes
(a sweating toad?) bufotinine which doesnt do damn for the toad, but
makes humans feel very high indeed.

Says the Examiner story: If you tried to lick this toad, it would
be a felonious act.

No report to date mentions what the toad turns into when you lick it.

Why not milk the toads and mix the stuff with something nice?

The head of DEAs western regional laboratory is not concerned:
Its too nasty to screw around with, he said. And youre going
to have to come up with a lot of toads to compete with cocaine and
marijuana.

The Berkeley police chief was suspicious because he knew of no
occurance of bufotinine use in Berkeley: If it happened anywhere, itd
be here, he said.

Now you know.

Every womans a 10. It just depends upon which base youre counting in.

There is an 80 year old virgin who suddenly gets an itch in her crotch area. She goes to the doctor who checks her out and tells her she has crabs. She explained that she couldnt have crabs because she was a virgin, but the doctor didnt believe her, so she went to get a second opinion.

The second doctor gave her the same answer. So she went to a third doctor and said Please help me. This itch is killing me and I know that I dont have crabs because Im a virgin.

The doctor checks her out and says I have good news and bad news. The good news is you dont have crabs, the bad news is that your cherry rotted and you have fruit flies.

A ventriloquist had just finished his polack joke routine when a huge, drunk polack confronted him, Im sick of your polack jokes and Im going to knock the shit out of you. Im sorry, it was all in good fun, replied the comedian. The polack retorted, I was talking to little asshole on your knee."

So they can see who theyre retreating from.

Ever since he met JFK, Clinton wanted to be president in the worst possible way…now hes succeeding beyond his wildest dreams.

Q: How many cryonicists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four – One to ensure that the light bulb is certifiably dead, one to perfuse it with cryoprotectants, one to slowly cool it to liquid nitrogen temperature, and one to wait two hundred years for technology to advance sufficiently to revive it.