Yo mamas so skinny, she used a needle for a baseball bat
13
Oct
13
Oct
Viagra hairspray, baby. And theres plenty left.
How would you like a ringside seat for The Thrilla in My-Pants-A?
Your illustrious bustiness makes dinner a must for us.
If we indulge in a little depravity, youll see what other parts of me defy gravity.
The flamboycitude of the fracas shines on you mightily and aphroditely.
Baby, you even make my hair erect!
You know when Tyson was nibbling on Holyfields ear? I taught him that.
Baby, Id *love* to screw you — and I dont mean out of your money!
Is that a judge in my pocket or am I just happy to see you?
Honey, Im speechless!
Whats a spectaculastically beautimalicious specimen of pulchritudinally spectacular feminifiscence such as yourself doing in a libationally hellacious pit of despicablamous depravitude like this?
and Topfive.coms Number 1 Don King Pick-Up Line…
Hi, Sweetheart. Can I buy you a referee?
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@topfive.com http://www.topfive.com ]
[ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use in any manner ]
[ without crediting The Top 5 List at www.topfive.com ]
12
Oct
Do you qualify to be a redneck? Find out below!
* You might be a redneck if your toilet paper has page numbers on it!
* You might be a redneck if youre considered an expert on worm beds!
* You might be a redneck if you recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck!
* You might be a redneck if you sell your car for gas money.
* You might be a redneck if your wife wears the same underwear as you do.
* You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard!
* You might be a redneck if there has ever been a crime scene tape across your bathroom door!
* You might be a redneck if you believe books are bad luck!
* You might be a redneck if rather than drinking the sacramental wine at church you bring your own!
* You might be a redneck if the most common phrase in your house is, Someone go jiggle the handle.
* You might be a redneck if one of your kids was born on a pool table!
* You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves shoes and a flashlight.
* You might be redneck if your house has more miles on it than your car!
* You might be a redneck if your wife repeatedly has to tell you to take your transmission off the table!
* You might be a redneck if you learned to drive in a monster truck!
* You might be a redneck if Bambi made you hungry for rabbit!
* You might be a redneck if you believe All-Star Wrestling!
* You might be a redneck if you recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck!
12
Oct
After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough.
So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife/cousin did not want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem.
The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (big firework), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Alabamian said to the doctor, I may not be the smartest man, but I dont see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.
So the couple drove across the state border into Georgia to get a second opinion.
The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama.
The doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.
Figuring that both learned physicians couldnt be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.
He held the can up to his ear and began to count 1, 2, 3, 4, 5… at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.
12
Oct
Le pregunta el profesor a Pepito: ¿Pepito, cuál fue la reina que ayudó a Cristóbal Colón para que hiciera su viaje a tierras indias? Profe, una ayudita. Le contesta el profesor: La reina de Espa… la reina de Espa…
La reina de espadas, profesor.
12
Oct
Se reúnen un francés, un alemán y un tontilandés para aclarar cual de sus esposas es la más pendeja.
Inicia el galo:
Oui, mi esposa es la más pendeja: ella mandó construir una alberca en la casa y ni siquiera sabe nadar.
Es el turno del germano:
No, la más pendeja es mi esposa: ¡imagÃnense que se compró un Mercedes y ni siquiera sabe manejar!
El de Tontilandia remata:
¡Joder, que la más pendeja es mi esposa! Se va de paseo una semana en un crucero por el Caribe con dos amigas y compró tres cajas de condones… ¡Y ni siquiera tiene pito!
12
Oct
Eran dos maricones, Lalo y Pepe, y una vez decidieron irse a acampar a la playa. Acomodaron todo en un Pick up, y para que no se mojara nada de lo que llevaban, cubrieron todo con una lona.
Cuando iban por la autopista, la velocidad del vehÃculo y el viento de la costa, desataron la lona. Pepe se dio cuenta de que la lona iba suelta y le advierte a Lalo:
¡AY, LALO, LA LONA…!
Y Lalo, pensando que lo estaba vacilando, le responde:
¡Y TU, PEPE PEPONA!
12
Oct
Q: How many rednecks does take to eat possum?
A: Three. One to eat it and two to look out for cars.
12
Oct
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply cant think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
———————————————————————-
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
12
Oct