Knock Knock
Whos there?
Cecile!
Cecile who?
Cecile this envelope!
10
Oct
10
Oct
Q: Did you know that Clintons cat can play Chess?
A: Inside Information: The cat isnt really all that good at Chess. The last time they played best of five, Clinton won three games to two.
10
Oct
WOMEN SEEKING MEN Classifieds translations
Loves Animals means: Cat lady
Non-traditional means: Ex-husband lives in the basement
Open-minded means: Desperate
10
Oct
Q: How many Queens students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two – one to change the bulb, and one to throw the old bulb at UNC-Charlotte students.
10
Oct
The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.
10
Oct
Yo mama so dumb that when I told her it was chilly outside and she went out with a bowl and spoon.
10
Oct
A man was complaining to a friend: I had it all – money, a
beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman –
and then, BAM!, it was all gone!
What happened? asked his friend. My wife found out…
10
Oct
I guess one of my biggest pet peeves is people who think they know everything. If they only knew how much they bug those of us who really do.
Seriously though, even the best of us have some imperfections. For example, God only granted me average looks; to compensate, He gave me near perfection in brains, talent, wit and charm.
There ! See how irritating that can be ? Trust me on this one, the thing that increases in size the most on any man when you stroke it is his ego.
Males dont corner the market on ego either. I know a Yuppette whose idea of being unfaithful is turning away from the mirror.
What exactly is an egotist ? Easy – its a person who thinks theyre everything you already are.
Senior Managers at the Maryland State Highway had some of the biggest egos Ive ever seen. Once during a road opening, a bad thunderstorm started to roll in. At the first loud boom of thunder, five of them stood up and bowed.
The Government is the loser on ego-maniacs though. Just imagine if they had to pay taxes on what they think theyre worth.
But I guess overall, egotists arent all that bad. How else could they have a special place in their hearts for themselves.
10
Oct
An
older man goes to the Doctor in desire of a prescription
for Viagra. The Doctor looks over the man, and says,
"Viagra can be very dangerous and we do not just
dispense it indiscriminately. Please bring your wife
to my office next week and well discuss this in more
detail.
So the following week he shows up with his wife. The
Doctor asks to see the wife by herself for a few moments
and she follows him back to the examining room. The
doctor asks her to disrobe and she does. He then asks
her to turn around in 360 degrees a few times then instructs
her to get up on the examining table and to turn in
various positions. He then tells her she can get dressed
and goes out to meet the Male Patient. "Sir,"
The Doctor Says, "There is nothing wrong with you,
I couldnt get an erection either.
10
Oct
Festivity Level 1: Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and nibbling hors doeuvres.
Festivity Level 2: Your guests are talking loudly — sometimes to each other, and sometimes to nobody at all, rearranging your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing I Gotta Be Me around the upright piano, gulping their drinks and wolfing down hors doeuvres.
Festivity Level 3: Your guests are arguing violently with inanimate objects, singing I cant get no satisfaction, gulping down other peoples drinks, wolfing down Christmas tree ornaments and placing hors doeuvres in the upright piano to see what happens when the little hammers strike.
Festivity Level 4: Your guests, hors doeuvres smeared all over their naked bodies are performing a ritual dance around the burning Christmas tree. The piano is missing.
You want to keep your party somewhere around level 3, unless you rent your home and own firearms, in which case you can go to level 4.