Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that its a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. Hes finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).
At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.
The features hed like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0 include:
– ADont remind me again button
– Minimize button
– An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources.
An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the systems hardware
probe feature to be much more useful.
I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, The uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesnt work very well leaving undesirable
traces of the application in the system.
Another thing that sucks — all versions of Girlfriend continually pop-up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0
BUG WARNING
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.
BUG WORK-AROUNDS
To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0.
Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidentally be downloaded from the UseNet.
A flea died and went to Heaven. St. Peter met it at the gate and explained
that it could choose how it could spend the rest of eternity.
SP: Have you thought about it? Do you know how youd like to spend the rest
of eternity?
Flea: Yes St. Peter, I have thought about it, Id like to spend the rest of
eternity on the back of a rich ladys dog.
SP: So be it, its done.
A few weeks later St. Peter was wondering about the flea and so he called.
SP: Flea, how are you doing?
Flea: Oh St. Peter, I made a terrible mistake. This old broad washes her dog
two to three times a day, she perfumes it, and Im nauseous and I have a
headache from the smell.
SP: Well you know that you arent supposed to get more than one choice on
how to spend the rest of eternity, but you are supposed to be happy.
Have you thought about what else you might like to do?
Flea: Oh yes St Peter! I have thought about it and Im sorry I didnt bring
it up before, Id like to spend it in Willie Nelsons beard.
SP: So be it, its done.
Out of curiosity St. Peter checked on the flea a few weeks later.
SP: Hello flea, how are you doing now?
Flea: Im sorry St. Peter, Im not doing well at all. I get waked up in the
middle of the night, get drenched with beer, foul language all the time
and I keep getting woozy with some white powder that flies around. Its
Hell, St. Peter, Im miserable!
SP: You know, flea, youre not supposed to be able to change your mind about
how you spend the rest of eternity, but you say this is Hell, have you
considered what else you might like to do?
Flea: Oh St Peter, YES! I HAVE thought about it and I have decided that Id
like to spend the rest of eternity in Dolly Partons bush.
SP: So be it, its done.
Not being able to stand his curiosity St. Peter decided to check on the flea
again after a few weeks.
SP: Hows it going flea?
Flea: Oh hi St. Peter, well, its kind of strange… You see there was this
big party. There was lots of singing and dancing, I got bounced around
a lot and there was this weird smoke in the air that made me dizzy. There
were hands all over me and I dont quite remember all that happened, but
would you believe it? Im back in Willie Nelsons beard!
Bill Kennedy {cbosgd | ihnp4!petro | sun!texsun!rrm}!ssbn!bill
What is the difference between a hematologist and a urologist?
A hematologist pricks your finger.
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Irene!
Irene who?
Irene and Irene but still no one answers the door!
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
Se encuentran Pedro y MarÃa… y Pedro dice:
Y te casaste con Pancho, MarÃa…
Claro que sà Pedro…
¿Y donde van a ir de luna de miel?
Pues creo que Pancho me va a llevar al manicomio…
Pero MarÃa, ¿cómo que te va a llevar al Manicomio…?
Es que Pancho me dijo: MarÃa, te voy a pegar una cogida de loco…
Once there was a man who wanted a pet. So he went to the pet shop to buy a bird that could sing. the owner siad this is an Amazon singing bird. If you put it over water it will sing a song about the sea. If you put it over the train tracks it will sing a song about working on rail road. But never put it over fire. So he took it to the lake and put over the water. The bird started to sing a pirates life. UHHHH I hate this song. so he took the bird from over the water. He did the same thing with the tracks the bird sung Ive been working on the railroads.UHHHHHH I hate this song too. hmmmm I wonder what would happen if I put him over fire. so he lit a match and the bird sung Chestnuts Roasting over an open fire.
An old, bearded shepherd, with a crooked staff, walks up to a stone pulpit and says . . .
And lo it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, Why doth thou travel far, from town to town, with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, How, Dear?
And Dot replied, I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery by Uriahs Pony Stable (UPS).
Abraha} thkught long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums, as long as he could have his way with her.
And Dot said, There will be a lot of banging in the land. And Abraham replied, It is my most fervent wish that this be so.
And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had, at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.
But his success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abrahams drum and was accused of insider trading.
And the young did take to Dot Coms trading as doth the greedy horsefly to camel dung.
They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And lo the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would only work if you bought Brother Gates drumsticks.
And Dot did say, Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others. And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known, eBay, he said, We need a name of a service that reflects what we are.
And Dot replied, Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.
Whoopee!, said Abraham.
No, YAHOO!, said Dot Com.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Top 10 Reasons For Being German
Oktoberfest
Wiener Schnitzel
Great bock beer
Sauerbraten
Great pilsener beer
Jaeger Schnitzel
Great lager beer
Potato pancakes
Liebfraumilch
Potato salad