04
Jan

Old man at confession

A priest is sitting in his confessional and hears an old mans voice on the other side of the screen. The old man says, Father, Im eighty-one years old, Ive been married to the same woman for fifty-four years, and have always been faithful. But yesterday, I made wild, passionate love with a pair of lovely eighteen-year-old twin sisters.

The priest asks, When was the last time you went to confession?

The old man replies, Never … Im Jewish.

The priest is puzzled. Then why did you come here today to tell me this?

The old man says, Oh … heck … Im telling everybody!!!

04
Jan

Bear Hunting

Bills all excited about his new rifle. So, he goes bear hunting
in Alaska. The first bear he sees is a little brown bear, and he
kills it with his first shot. There is a tap on his shoulder,
and he turns around to see a big black bear.

The black bear says Youve got 2 choices. One, I maul you to
death or Two, we have sex. Bill bends over for the bear.

Hes sore for 2 days, but he recovers and vows revenge. Bill
heads out on another trip to Alaska and he finds the black bear
and kills him. At that moment there is a tap on his shoulder. A
huge grizzly is standing right behind him. The grizzly says,
That was a big mistake. Youve got 2 choices, Either I maul you
to death or we have sex. Bill bends over.

He survives, but hes really hurting and takes quite a bit of
time to recover. Hes outraged. Sure enough, he heads back to
Alaska and finds the grizzly and shoots him at point blank
range. Theres a tap on his shoulder. He turns around to find an
enormous polar bear, and the polar bear says, You dont really
come here for the hunting, do you?

04
Jan

Kit Carson Museum

My favorite museum when I was growing up, the one that influenced me the most, was the Kit Carson Museum.

It was really impressive because right away when you walked in what you saw was this case with two human skulls in it, dramatically presented.

One skull was larger and had a label stating The Skull of Kit Carson. That was really something.

Then, to the side, there was this smaller skull with a label that said The Skull of Kit Carson as a Boy …

04
Jan

Vending machine

Q:What do monica lewinsky and a vending machine

have in common









A:they both say insert bill here

03
Jan

Q: How many GLC

Q: How many GLC workers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four. One to do it and three to go round putting up posters announcing that the GLC, working for London, is going to change the lightbulb.

03
Jan

Dumped girlfriend

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.

03
Jan

El iluso recin casado pregunta

El iluso recién casado pregunta a su más que buenísima mujer:

Oye, mi reina adorada, ¿aún conservas tu virginidad?

Claro que no, mi amor, ¡pero aquí está el estuchito en que venía!

03
Jan

Breve leccin tomada del curso

Breve lección tomada del curso Ecuador sin barreras

El Ecuatoriano no se cae: se va de oreja, se va de trompa, se saca la madre, se hace mierda, se saca la chucha.

El Ecuatoriano no vigila: te chekea, te sapea, te lookea o esta de ojo seco.

El Ecuatoriano no se burla: te huevea, te chacharea, te jode, te batracea, o te ve la cara de pendejo.

El Ecuatoriano no se enamora: se encamota, se emperra, se calzonea, se mete o se clava.

El Ecuatoriano no te convence: te hace el mudo, te baila, te engatusa, te entuca, te lambonea o te cepilla.

El Ecuatoriano no enamora o conquista: tira los perros, mete labia o calienta oreja .

El Ecuatoriano no se enoja: se come mierda, se arrecha, se emputa o se cabrea.

El ecuatoriano no tiene amigos: tiene panas, profeshores, compreshores yuntas, socios, ñaños, primos o brothers

El Ecuatoriano no te golpea: te saca la chucha!, te saca la madre!, te saca la puta!, te saca el cebo!… o te lanza a sus panas.

El Ecuatoriano no tiene amantes: Tiene culitos, tiene agarres, tiene vaciles, tiene peladas, o tiene hembras.

El ecuatoriano no hace brindis: el chupa, se pica, se embala y después se empluta o se chuma y hace huevadas.

El ecuatoriano no tiene pareja: el bacila, se amarra, se anda en huevadas o cojudea.

El ecuatoriano no se viste elegante: se encachina, se pone elegance, se turquea, esta pintero o se pone la dominguera.

El ecuatoriano no pregunta si algo anda mal, dice: que te agarró?, que puctas te anda pasando?, que es que andas medio cojudo? O que estás con cara de mudo?

El ecuatoriano no dice no me molestes, dice: Andate a la verga, métete el dedo por el culo, anda a joderle a tu mama o no me jodas o te saco la puta!!!.

El ecuatoriano no te roba: te baja, te chorea, te gana, te patea algo o te deja chiro.

El Ecuatoriano no sale deprisa: sale hecho un pedo, sopla, se embala o va hecho un culo.

El Ecuatoriano no se retira: se la saca, se hace el loco, se marchita, se margina o se baraja o se asoma profeshor.

El Ecuatoriano no dice cosas sin sentido: habla huevadas, habla pendejadas o habla por el culo.

El Ecuatoriano no dice ¡Ay! dice: CHUCHA!, ¡jueputa!, ¡verrrrrga!, tumadre, la puta que te parió o hijo de la valiente puta.

El ecuatoriano no dice adios, dice: topamos, me saco de esta huevada, ahí los vidrios, asomaraste, calabaza o no te perderás, asoma profeshor o chaolin.

El ecuatoriano no se asusta: se pone a parir vacas, monos, sapos, culebras y elefantes o a sudar piedras.

El ecuatoriano no miente: te mete el dedo,te dice huevadas, te fabulea o te cree cojudo.

El ecuatoriano no te insulta: te manda a la verga, te putea, o le cambia de nombre a tu madre.

El Ecuatoriano no besa: mama, cobra, come, mete lengua o chupa muela.

El Ecuatoriano no se acuesta: culea, tira, come rico, forra, socotroquea, te da gato, se abre de patas o se pega un palo.

El Ecuatoriano no vive lejos: vive en la mierda, vive de la verga a la izquierda, vive donde los mosquitos usan repelente o vive en la casa de la pinga, donde vive la Fat…, o donde el frio sale con poncho!!!

03
Jan

Computer Heaven and Hell

Computer Heaven and Hell

In computer heaven the management is from Intel,

the design and construction is done by Apple,

the marketing is done by Microsoft,

IBM provides the support,

and Gateway determines the pricing.



In computer hell the management is from Apple,

Microsoft does design and construction,

IBM handles the marketing,

the support is from Gateway, and

Intel sets the price.

03
Jan

Proposal From Atheist

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, Anthony proposed to me an hour ago. Then why are you so sad? her mother asked. Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesnt even believe theres a Hell. Her mother replied, Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, well show him how wrong he is.