Old and New Jokes

Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said Taxi!

Prompt – What you wish the mail was during the snow season

You know your ugly when . . .

Your dog humps your leg with its eyes closed.

Bernadette urn-a-det: The act of torching a mortgage.

Burglarize ur-gler-ize: What a crook sees with.

Counterfeiters kown-ter-fit-ers: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

If Milli Vanilli fall in the woods, does someone else make a sound?

There was a man who computed his taxes for 1997 and found that he owed $3407. He packaged up his payment and included this letter:Dear IRS:
Enclosed is my 1997 Tax Return & payment. Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029).This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the Presidential Election Fund, as noted on my return. Might I suggest you the send the above mentioned fund a 1.5 inch screw. (See attached article – HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips Head Screw.)It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year. I just saw an article about the Pentagon and screwdrivers.Sincerely,I. Getscrewed Everyear

When I was born.. the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father … Im very sorry. We did everything we could … but he pulled through.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

My father carried around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

A: Three:
One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.

What follows is a emailed message from our admin here in a Hong Kong University. I leave it to you to find how many different interpretations can be made:

Due to urinal bowl repair, the big male toilet will be suspensed from service today (19/9/01). Our contractor is undergoing repair and toilet service will be resumed as soon as practicable.

Thank you for your attention.

The perfect man is gentle

Never cruel or mean

He has a beautiful smile

And keeps his face so clean.

The perfect man likes children

And will raise them by your side.

He will be a good father

As well as a good husband to his bride

The perfect man loves cooking

Cleaning and vacuuming too.

Hell do anything in his power

To show his love to you.

The perfect man is sweet,

Writing poetry from your name.

Hes a best friend to your mother

And kisses away your pain.

He has never made you cry

Or hurt you in any way.

Oh, to hell with this stupid poem,

Cause the perfect man is gay!