Theres these three guys who walk into a hotel and ask for three different rooms. The clerk says ok but some people say this place is haunted by a ghosts. Ahh who cares we want some sleep, replied one of them.
so they all got different rooms. the first guy is unpacking his stuff when this ghosts comes ans says Im the ghost of lambourgigi Ill cut of your balls and eat your wenie.
he eats his penis and goes away.
The next guy is unpacking his stuff when the ghost comes and says Im the ghost of lambourgini Ill cut off your balls and eat your winie. And he does it and leaves.
the last guy is unpacking his stuff when the ghost comes and says Im the ghost of lambourgini Ill cut off your balls and eat your winie. the guy replies , well Im the ghost of christmas past touch my balls i kick your ass!
The apparatus with which we think that we think.
Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. Even when he wasnt on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail.
He also was quite a spiritual person. Furthermore, due to his diet, he ended up with very bad breath.
He became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. ONE!!
And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They dont even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldnt be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that theyve been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS!
But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE? NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! ITS A WONDER WE HAVENT ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS…
Im sorry…what did you ask me?
You might be a redneck if…
You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
The midgets are cunning runts
This year, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union Address fell on the same day. As Air America Radio pointed out, It is an ironic juxtaposition: one involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a
creature of little intelligence for prognostication, and the other involves a groundhog.
What did the lion say when he saw two hunters in a jeep?
Meals on Wheels!
A man walks into a bar and says Bartender gimme a triple shot of Jack.
The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says Another.
The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says Another.
As the bartender pours the third glass he says, Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?
The man says, Ten years, ten years Ive been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having sex with her.
The bartender says Geez, what did you say.
The man says I told him, BAD DOG! BAD DOG!
Q: How many blind people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It depends whether the switch is on or off.