A man walked into a lawyers office and inquired about the lawyers rates.
$50.00 for three questions.
replied the lawyer.
Isnt that awfully steep?
asked the man.
Yes.
the lawyer replied, What was your third question?
02
Jul
02
Jul
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Fonda!
Fonda who?
Fonda you!
02
Jul
02
Jul
Baseballs all wrong, no one could possibly walk with four balls.
02
Jul
V.P. Dan Quayle thought that Roe vs. Wade is an argument over alternative
ways to cross the Potomac River.
02
Jul
A man on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothings even moving. He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, Excuse me, Officer, whats the hold up?
The Officer replies, The President just found out Starr has delivered another report to Congress and hes all depressed. He stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and hes threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesnt have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers.
Im walking around taking up a collection for him.
Oh really?
How much have you collected so far?
Ive got a lot of folks still siphoning; but right now I have about three hundred gallons.
02
Jul
Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but youre not quite sure why.
02
Jul
Ask the following to a Blonde to see if she is a DUMB BLONDE or a smart blonde…yeah right…
1.Who do want to be most like in life:
A.Vanna White
B.Michelle Fiefer
C.Britney Spears
E.None of the Above
2.In a game of Hide-And-Go Seek, do you:
A.Run when you see the seeker
B.Stay hiding until the seeker finds you
C.Run when the seeker sees you
E.Follow the seeker quietly
3.What happens when you get Alzheimers Disease
A.You loose alot of weight
B.Gain weight
C.Get really smart
D.Loose your memory
4.How do you kill a bird:
A.Hit it
B.Throw it off a building
C.Cook it
D.All of the above
5.Whats an important question about pregnancy
A.Is it mine
B.How far along am I
C.Is it a boy or girl
D.What hospital should I go to for delivery
Dont read them this part:
Results:
1.
A=5pts.
B=3pts.
C=2pts.
D=1pt.
2.
A=4
B=5
C=2
D=3
3.
A=4
B=3
C=5
D=1
4.
A=3
B=5
C=4
D=1
5.
A=5
B=1
C=3
D=2
TOTAL:
20 =Official Dumb Blonde; 15-19=Pretty Dumb; 10-14=Not Bad; 9-Smart for a Blonde
02
Jul
Here are some actual exchanges between lawyers and witnesses in the court room. Perhaps they aint so bright after all.
- Now doctor, isnt it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesnt know about it until the next morning?
- The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
- Were you present when your picture was taken?
- Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
- Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
- Did he kill you?
- How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
- You were there until the time you left, is that true?
- How many times have you committed suicide?
- Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
- Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
- Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
- Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didnt you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?
- Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whos death was it terminated?
- Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
- Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
- Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
- Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
- Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m..
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
- Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: I have been since early childhood.
02
Jul
Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
A: She fell out of the tree.