25
Jul

A very depressed man

Theres a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, Come on man, I was just joking. Here, Ill buy you another drink. I just cant stand seeing a man crying.

No, its not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and Im late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.

25
Jul

Secret Service are agents expected

Secret Service are agents expected to testify that Monica Lewinsky was in the
oval office with the President unescorted for 40 minutes, But everything
was O.K, she was just giving the President a debriefing.

25
Jul

Few Gymnasts

Q: Why arent there many blonde gymnasts?

A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.

25
Jul

At the Club.

So this guy wants to go into a nightclub, but the bouncer says –

Sorry, bud, you need a tie for this place.

Our Hero goes back to his car and rummages around, but theres no necktie to be found.

Finally, in desperation, he takes his jumper cables, wraps them around his neck, ties a nice knot, and lets the ends dangle free.

He goes back to the nightclub, where the bouncer says…

Well, OK, I guess you can come in. But dont start anything!

25
Jul

If Clinton and Yeltsin Held Their Summits in a Private On-line

25
Jul

Good catch

A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his hand out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand.

He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down.

Is this yours? he asked.

She said, Yes, could you bring it up? and the man agreed.

On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink.

As she was very attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards she said, Im about to have dinner. Theres plenty; would you like to join me?

He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, Ive had a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay the night?

The man hesitated then said, Do you act like this with every man you meet?

No, she replied, only those who catch my eye.

25
Jul

The Garden of Eden

Adam was strolling through the Garden of Eden, and he asked God, "God can you put someone else on this planet with me? Its kind of lonely here?" So God said, "I will put on earth a woman," "What is this ‘woman’?" asked Adam. "A woman is somebody who will provide companionship and take care of all your needs," explained God. "Oh holy master, what is the price for this women" asked Adam. "The price for her is your left arm, your right eye, a thumb, a foot and your left testicle," said God. Then Adam replied, "Ehh… what can I get for a rib?"

25
Jul

Like Cow-pats

Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?

A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.

25
Jul

forgiveness

A good wife always forgives her husband when shes wrong.

24
Jul

Knock Knock Whos there? Olive! Olive who? Olive you!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Olive!
Olive who?
Olive you!