Eclipse e-klips: What an English barber does for a living.
Eyedropper i-drop-ur: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
Heroes hee-rhos: What a guy in a boat does.
19
Jul
19
Jul
Q: How many Systems Assurance testers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. We just noticed the room was dark. We dont fix the problems, we just find them.
19
Jul
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.
When the case came before the court, the young man was as asked why he acted in such a manner.
His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldnt help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which read Coming Soon The Gold Dust Twins, then she moved under one that read Sloans Liniments remove Swelling. I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read William Stick Did The Trick. Then I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.
He won the case.
19
Jul
There was an old woman. She went into a store and asked the clerk in a shaky voice, do you know what a dildo is?
The clerk said, yes.
In a shaky voice she asked, do you sell them?
Why yes the clerk answeresd.
In a shakier voice she asked, do you know how to use them?
I guess so said the clerk.
The old woman, trembling asked, do you know how to turn them off?
19
Jul
The apparatus with which we think that we think.
19
Jul
Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. Even when he wasnt on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail.
He also was quite a spiritual person. Furthermore, due to his diet, he ended up with very bad breath.
He became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.
19
Jul
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. ONE!!
And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They dont even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldnt be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that theyve been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS!
But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE? NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! ITS A WONDER WE HAVENT ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS…
Im sorry…what did you ask me?
19
Jul
You might be a redneck if…
You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
19
Jul
The midgets are cunning runts
19
Jul
This year, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union Address fell on the same day. As Air America Radio pointed out, It is an ironic juxtaposition: one involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a
creature of little intelligence for prognostication, and the other involves a groundhog.