Old and New Jokes

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only said his famous One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for Mankind statement, but followed it by several remarks – usual communication traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark Good luck, Mr. Gorsky.

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut; however, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian nor American space programs. Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the Good luck, Mr. Gorsky statement meant.

On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. He finally responded.

It seems that Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question: When I was a kid, I was playing baseball with my brother in the backyard. He had hit a fly ball which landed in front of my neighbors bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As I leaned down to pick up the ball, I heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, Oral sex? Oral sex you want? Youll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!

True fact.

Back in the old west, there was a need to connect the east and the west with a telegraph line. The Manager of the project advertised for workers to complete the job. Three groups responded. A team of Irishmen, a group of Italians, and a final team composed of Blondes.

Since none of the groups would work with anyone from the other two groups, the project supervisor decided to assign each group to a different part of the line, and then see which team set the most poles.

The first task was to set the poles. The Supervisor sent each group out to a different location. Before they left, he advised all three groups that the one to bury the most poles today, would receive a bonus.

At the end of the day, the foreman of the Italians reported back to the Supervisor. The Supervisor inquired of him how many poles had been set by his team. He answered

48. The Supervisor was delighted. He advised the Italian to stay awhile until he heard how the Irishmen and the Blondes had done…

Next to report was the foreman of the Irishmen group. When asked, he reported that they had set 53 poles that day. Again the Superivsor was thrilled. He dismissed the Italian foreman and asked the Irishman to remain until the Blondes checked in.

A little while later the Blonde forewoman reported to the Supervisor. How many poles did your group set? He asked. Two. Replied the Blonde forewoman.

What! Just, two! exclaimed the Supervisor. The Italians set 48 poles, and the Irishmen set

53. How could you Blondes have only set two poles?

It may be true the Italians and Irishmen buried more poles than us, replied the Blonde. But you should see how much of the poles those bozos left sticking out of the ground!

Thats the most violent book Ive ever read!

Consults with supervisor often: Very annoying.

Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well.

Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.

Este es un tipo que viaja a Frankfurt a una feria de novedades y allí en un stand se tropieza con el anuncio de unas gafas mágicas que si se las pone uno ve a la gente desnuda. El tipo, un poco escéptico, se ríe y le pide a la dependienta que se las deje probar por si es verdad…

Asi lo hace, se las pone y se asombra al ver a la dependienta totalmente desnuda. Las prueba de nuevo y ve que funcionan. Después de pagar una buena cantidad, el individuo sale muy contento con sus gafas y de camino para el aeropuerto se pone a ver a todo el mundo desnudo.

Cuando llega a su casa, se encuentra a su mujer con su vecino en el sillón de la salita, los dos en pelotas. El tipo se quita las gafas y observa que siguen desnudos… se las pone… se las quita… ¡y siguen desnudos! Muy serio va y dice. ¡Jooodeeeer! ¡Con lo caras que me costaron las puñeteras gafas y ya se han estropeado!

Q:Do you know how to confuse a coal miner?







A:Show him two shovels and then ask him to take his pick.

A teacher decides that she is going to teach her second grade class a new word today. She tells them that the word is definitely and its meaning is absolute, positive, without a doubt.



She asks the class if anyone can think of a sentence with the word in it. She calls on little Susan who is in the back raising her hand, quite sure of herself.



Susan stands up and says, The sky is definitely blue.



The teacher replies to her, Well, thats a good sentence but sometimes the sky is gray, and sometimes its cloudy, and sometimes its red and pink so the sky is not definitely blue. Anyone else?



Toms hand flies up and she calls on him.



Tom answers, The water is definitely clear.



Well, Tom thats a good sentence but sometimes the water is muddy, and sometimes its green, and sometimes its full of seaweed so its not definitely clear. Anyone else?



Finally, in the far corner, little Robert slowly raises his hand.



Yes, Robert? asks the teacher.



Can I ask a question, teacher? Robert replies.



Yes.



Do farts have lumps?



No. Why do you ask.



Well, then Ive definitely pooped in my pants.

A rabbi on a TV program mentioned that he had compiled a list of
four hundred sins. He received millions of requests for his list,
mostly from people who wanted to find out what they were missing.

-Sam Levenson

Whats brown and sits in the forest?Winnies Pooh.

I am a pastor and father of two children. The day before we were to attend a cousins high school graduation, I thought Id prepare the kids, knowing how fidgety they can get.

Graduations are sometimes long, boring events, I said. I want you guys to behave and not ask constantly when its going to be over.

Dont worry, Dad. Well live, my daughter replied. We last through all your sermons, dont we?

Rev. Matthew Sassano, Jr.