Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally
killed or beaten by his fellow partygoers.
Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save his master
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
c. After wrecking your boss car
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into The Crying Game
e. When his date is using her teeth
Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a
friend out of jail within 12 hours.
If youve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy whos
running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time is 6 minutes.
For a girl, you have to wait 10 minutes for every point of
hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
Bitching about the brand of free beer in a friends fridge is
forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
another man. In fact, even remembering your buddies birthday is
optional.
When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you
may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may
never ask whos playing.
It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when
youre sunning on a tropical beach… and its delivered by a
topless supermodel… and its free.
Friends dont let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
If a mans zipper is down, thats his problem — you didnt
see nothin.
Women who claim they love to watch sports must be treated
as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the
ability to drink as much beer as the other sports watchers.
You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death
of a girlfriends cat, even if it was you who secretly threw
it into a ceiling fan.
Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both. Thats just plain mean.
Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal
footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all
other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the
conversation you need.
Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than
you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the
phone; Hang up if necessary.
The morning after you and a babe who was formerly just a
friend have had carnal drunken rampant sex, the fact that
youre feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to do it again
before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.