10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk
But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.
9. Our love will never become cold and hollow
Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.
8. I bought this Valentines card at the store
In hopes that, later, youd be my whore.
7. This feels so good, it feels so right
I just wish it wasnt $250 a night.
6. Youre a woman of style, youre a woman of class
Especially when Im spanking, your big-round-fat ass.
5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished
But now Im fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!
4. Through all the things that came to pass
Our love has grown. . . but sos your ass.
3. Youre a honey. . . and youre a cutie
I just wished you had J-Los booty.
2. I dont wanna be sappy or silly or corny
So, right to the point, lets do it, Im horny!
1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister,
you should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
8. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
Once a job is fouled up,
anything done to improve it will make it worse.
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. If it just sits in your room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your phone, takes your money, and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it.
Happy Birthday Uncle Dad.
BEAUTY SECRETS by Janet Reno
HOW TO GET TO THE SUPER BOWL by Dan Marino
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton
THINGS I CANT AFFORD by Bill Gates
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY – by Dennis Rodman
THE WILD YEARS – by Al Gore
AMELIA EARHARTS GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN
AMERICAS MOST POPULAR LAWYERS
DETROIT – A TRAVEL GUIDE
DR. KEVORKIANS COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN
EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN
ALL THE MEN IVE LOVED BEFORE – by Ellen DeGeneres
MIKE TYSONS GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
SPOTTED OWL RECIPES – by the Sierra Club
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS – by O. J. Simpson
MY BOOK OF MORALS – by Bill Clinton
There was a devote Islamic man who did his prayers five times a day.
Now, the first prayer was rather early in the morning, but he was always awake in time because the prayers were important. One morning, however, he was about to sleep though his prayers, when there was suddently a noice in the closet.
Realizing he was late, he quickly got up and said his prayers. After he was done, he went to look in his closet, and there was Iblis (the Devil).
The man said Iblis, were you the one that woke me up?
Iblis said Yes.
The man replied Well, why didnt you let me sleep through my prayers?.
And Iblis replied Well, I thoguht about it, but then I realized how bad youd feel, and how youd try and make it up to God, so I decided Id better wake you up.
Knock Knock! Whos There? Dwayne. Dwayne Who? Dwayne The Bathtub and Im Dwowning!
There was an exhibitionist who was taking a trip on an airplane.
At the top of the stairs there was a stewardess who was collecting tickets.
So when the man got to the top of the stairs, he opened his coat and exposed himself.
The stewardess said, Im sorry sir. You have to show your ticket here, not your stub.
Doctor, doctor, que tengo un problema, no se si soy homosexual, y querÃa saber si me puede hacer usted un test.
Bueno, vamos a ver…
El médico le agarra un testÃculo y le dice:
Diga noventa y nueve.
Noventa y nueve.
El medico le agarra el pene.
Diga noventa y nueve.
Noventa y nueve.
El médico le mete el dedo por atrás.
Diga noventa y nueve.
Uno… dos… tres…