You might just be white trash if …
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You were shooting pool when any of your children were born.
Your school fight song was Dueling Banjos.
Your wife has ever said, Come move this transmission so I can take a bath.
You keep a can of RAID on your kitchen table.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
The gas pedal in your car is shaped like a bare foot.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. And since we KNOW they dont do a d***** thing, this leaves 19 million to do the work.
Four million are in the Armed Forces (i.e. lets soak up more tax dollars while we play Doom), which leaves 15 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.
There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And youre sitting there reading humor funnies.
No wonder Im tired; Im the doing ALL of the work myself!
Want to hear three blonde jokes? Listen to Hanson!
Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!
How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?
It is the one with the kickstand.
Una noche dos borrachos que venÃan por la calle se detuvieron por la esquina al ver pasar una mujer riquisima, a la cual miraron con deseo. Uno de ellos sugiere al otro violarla, ya que se caÃa de buena. Le dice: Mireeee compaaadre yo traigo una pistola, ussss… ted le apunta (hick) y lo me la hecho.
Pero el compadre replicó: ¡Ehh! ¿que te pasa? yoooo no quiero ir después que usted.
Pues mira, esto se resuelve fácil, yo por atrás y usted por delante y luego cambiamos, y asi la llevamos…
Y asà lo hacen, amagan a la damisela en cuestión y la amenazan de matarla si no se deja, Casualmente, se trataba de un travesti, que accedió gustasamente a la petición.
Uno de los compadres se la atora por atrás, y al gay, por la excitación, se le paró su pene.
El otro compadre lo abre de piernas para darle por delante, y se sorprende de ver tal cosa, voltea a ver a su compadre y le dice:
¡Oye compadre, échate tantito para atrás!
The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, I have great news for you. Pretty soon, were going to be three in this house instead of two.
Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.
He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, Im glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us.
Did you hear about the blonde who was staring at a frozen orange juice container because it said concentrate?
Little Jane came home from school and said, Mommy mommy guess what? These boys wanted me to climb up a tree, so I did.
Her mom said, You dont be a doin that! Those boys just wanted to see your panties!
Ok mommy, little Jane said.
The next day at school, the boys asked her to do it again, so she did, and at the end of the day she told her mom and her mom said, I told you not to be a doin that! Those boys just wanted to look at your panties!
Little Jane looked at her mother and said, Dont worry, mommy. I was smart this time… I didnt wear any panties.
Rejected Holiday Specials
As presented on the 12/10/96 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN
Gallagher Smashes Melons in Bethlehem
A Creepy, Creepy Christmas with Michael Jackson
Fox TVs When Reindeer Attack!
A Country Holiday with Martha Stewart and a Bunch of Actors Pretending to Be Her Family
The Grinch Who Nailed Mrs. Claus
Christmas at Rikers Island: Its A Wonderful 10-Years-to-Life
Bob Dole Remembers the Very First Christmas
Skunk n Gators Holiday Fiesta
The President Who Ate Christmas
Richard Simmons Fruitcake Extravaganza