Old and New Jokes

Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?

A: Thanks for the refill!

Q: Name a fawn, a lawn and a yawn.

A: Bambi, the White House grounds, and the new TV season.

A drunk stumbles into a confessional.

The priest hears him come in, but then he doesnt hear anything, so the priest knocks on the wall.

The drunk says, Forget it, buddy, theres no paper in this one, either!

We were just having a bitch about the man (more or less agreed, only a man would think of such a thing) who invented guns, and how he died.

Something like:

His son walks into the room: Hey dad, what does this lever do?

Or:

Son can you hold this while I clean out the other end? (The barrel) Geez, its really dark down this barrel. Let me have a closer look …

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night hes doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, hes going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: Ive heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a persons hair have to do with her worth as a human being? Its guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general…and all in the name of humor! The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, You stay out of this, mister! Im talking to that little jerk on your knee!

There was this poor soul who couldnt hold a job. Every time he managed
to land one, he would get fired for some reason or other. He was explaining
his misery to a friend, and his friend told him that he thought he could get
him a job that was almost impossible to get fired from. He proceeded to tell
him about said job. He explained how he responded to an advertisement in a
newspaper claiming he could bring home big bills by selling toothbrushes.
Needless to say this poor man couldnt afford to turn down this job, so he
found the clipping and mailed away for his kit.

Upon arrival, he immediately opened his package and eagerly went door to
door trying to sell his toothbrushes, but nobody seemed interested enough to
buy any. He went back to his friends house and asked how many toothbrushes he
usually sold. His friend told him 700 to 800/wk. Astonished, he asked
what his secret was. His friend told him that a good businessman would never
reveal his secrets. He did however tell him that honesty is not always the
best policy. This got our friend thinking. He left with his idea, and returned
a week later. Upon arrival at his friends house he couldnt help but to brag
how he managed to outsell his friend, three-fold. His friend insisted he tell
him how he managed to pull off a feat like that. He said a good businessman
would never reveal his secrets, but he felt he never would have gotten the job
if it werent for his friend. He told him that he went to the airport with bags
and bags of potato chips and massive quantities of dip, and a big sign that
read, FREE CHIPS AND DIP. People were all to eager to help themselves and
tasting it, would reply, Hey! This dip tastes like shit!

He would reply, It is. Want to buy a toothbrush?

You might be a redneck if…
Your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center. (Clinton true-life story)

How can I ever thank you? gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles.

My dear woman, Darrow replied, ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question.

Did you hear about the Aggie that was up all night studying for his urinal test?

Q: Whats the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

A: Oral sex makes your whole day, anal sex makes your hole weak.