Dear Tech Support,Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. Ive tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of only limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!Sincerely,
XXX Dear XXX,This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0.In desperation to play some of their old time favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with
How do you know when your girlfriends knickers (panties) have been manufactured in the United States?One good yank, and theyre off!
PATIENT: Im in a hospital!? Whey am I in here?
DOCTOR: Youve had an accident involving a train.
PATIENT: What happened?
DOCTOR: Well, Ive got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
PATIENT: Well the bad news first.
DOCTOR: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.
PATIENT: Thats terrible! Whats the good news?
DOCTOR: Theres a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your shoes.
Cierta noche, ya de madrugada, un tipo le mostraba su nuevo apartamento a unos amigos. El anfitrión los lleva a su dormitorio, donde está un gigantesco gong de bronce.
¿Y eso?, pregunta uno de los invitados.
Es mi reloj parlante.
¿Reloj parlante? ¿Y cómo funciona?, indaga otro de los amigos.
Mira, dice el hombre, y le da un fuerte golpe al gong con un mazo, que lo hace retumbar en una forma impresionante.
De pronto, se oye un grito a voz en cuello desde el otro lado de la pared:
¡Por Dios, grandÃsimo hijo de puta! ¡Son las 2 de la mañana!
Why dont [ethnic] men like blow jobs?
They dont like any jobs.
Just when you thought you were winning the rat race
along come faster rats.
Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com
Q. What do you call it when you bury 1000 black men in the ground up to their necks?
A. Afroturf
Two politicians were carrying on a conversation in a restaurant when all of a sudden, one yelled at the other, Youre lying!.The other politician responded, I know, but hear me out.
Letter to the DENTON RECORD CHRONICLE from Dwight Crawford Sr.of Sanger, Texas:
TERRORISM, WHAT IS THAT?
I get a big laugh at the dialogue of Osama bin Laden, the Taliban, politicians, and the news media. They say terrorists will hit us again in the oncoming weeks and months. What a joke! You have a better chance of getting killed on Interstate 35E than by a terrorist.
Osama has probably seen 100 degree plus summers in Afghanistan, but he doesnt have fire ants to go with it. If he did, he wouldnt be sleeping on the ground in his cave. He talks of pain and suffering he is going to inflict on us. He doesnt know what pain is until he gets kicked by a green broke, two year old colt in a freezing rain.
Germ warfare? Texas ticks will give you Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever and Lime disease, blister beetles kill your horse, green bugs destroy a wheat crop, and termites eat your house. Anthrax has killed Texas cattle for over 125 years. Whats new? Our prairie dogs carry the plague, armadillos carry leprosy, and our bats and skunks carry rabies. We have rattlesnakes, copperheads, and water moccasins. Ho hum.
They talk of gas and biological warfare. They have never pulled in behind a cattle truck while its raining, or ridden in the front seat of a pick-up between two cowboys after they have just eaten a big bowl of Texas Red Beans.
Texas aint for sissies! We have posted signs all over the state that say Dont mess with Texas! Osama, consider yourself warned!
Dear Diary,
Monday:
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home, its fun to cook for Bob. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, Beat 12 eggs separately. Well, I didnt have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow enough bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine.
Tuesday:
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, serve without dressing. So I didnt dress. But, Bob happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. Did they ever look startled when I served the salad.
Wednesday:
I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the week. I cant say it improved the rice any.
Thursday:
Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. I hunted all over the garden by my moms. So I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there one hour so the dog would not take it. Bob came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why?
Friday:
Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, Put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it. Beat it I did, right over to my moms house. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again it looked the same as when I left it.
Saturday:
Bob went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. Im sure I dont know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found a doll dress and some little shoes. I thought the hen looked real cute. When Bob saw it, I wondered why he counted to 10.
Sunday:
Today Bobs folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast, but all we had in the icebox, was hamburger. So I put it in the oven and set the controls for roast. Must be the oven, because it still came out hamburger.
Good night, Dear Diary.
This has been an exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come, so I can try a new recipe on Bob.