Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam for May of 1997 consisted of only one question. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, Why do airplanes fly? on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof.Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyles Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
"First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyles law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:
1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose. 2. If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true. Thus, hell is exothermic."
The student, Tim Graham, got the only A.
An american born Desi returned to India and hired a tourist cab for sight seeing. When taken to the Taj Mahal in Agra, he asked how many years it took to build it. The guide replied 20 years. The American desi remarked You guys are lazy, in America we can build some thing like this in 5 years. At Red Fort in Dehli he asked the same question. The guide reduced the period to impress him and said Ten years. Only ten years The American Desi retorted: Didn’t I say you guys are slow workers! In America we could have built it in 2 1/2 years. Same story everywhere. He admired the places but reduced the period to 1/4th. The guide got irritated by this young American Desi. Next day when they were near Qutab Minar the American Desi asked what is that tower? The guide replied I ‘ll have to go and find out. When I was passing by this side last evening there was nothing here.
Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
Maybe you cant buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it.
A good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk do you live here? Yep. Would you like me to help you upstairs? Yep. When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked Is this your floor? Yep.
Then the good samaritan got to thinking that maybe he didnt want to face the mans irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs. However, when he went back outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk Do you live here? Yep. Would you like me to help you upstairs? Yep. So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunk. Then went back downstairs.
Where, to his surprise, there was another drunk. So he started over to him. But before he got to him, the drunk staggered over to a policeman and cried Please officer, protect me from this man.
Hes been doing nothing all night long but taking me upstairs and throwing me down the elevator shaft!
What has 300 legs and seven teeth?
– The front row of a Willie Nelson concert
What are the two biggest lies in Poland?
The check is in your mouth
I wont come in the mail.
If Mama Cass had given Karen Carpenter half of
that ham sandwich they would both be alive today.
Clean rooms are boring.
An American General, a Russian General and a British General are standing on
the deck of a ship watching war exercises. (OK, OK, so this is an old one..)
The topic of discussion turns to human courage, and the Russian General boasts,
Russians are the most courageous people on Earth!
Upon which the American (naturally) challenges him: Oh YEAH?
The Russian says, Sure! Here, Yuri! Jump off the deck (into the freezing
Atlantic) and swim around the ship!
Yuri marches off without a word, and does as he is told. The Russian turns
around and says: See, theres an example of courage!
The American has to top this, so he calls up one of his underlings and gives
him the order:
Jack, Jump off the main mast into the ocean, and swim around the ship
seven times!
Poor Jack goes off without a murmur, and he too does as he is told. The
American General says: Now top that for courage!
So they both turn around to the British General who has been standing around
watching these antics silently. They ask him: What about your people?
So the British guy calls up one of his people and says: Trevor, jump off the
mast and swim under the keel of the ship, will you, old chap?
Trevor stares at his general.
Let me get this right. You want me to jump off the mast.
Yes.
And swim under the keel
Yes.
You must be daft!
And so saying, Trevor turns around and saunters off. Whereupon the British
General turns to the other two and says,
Now theres an example of TRUE courage!