A three year old walked over to the pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.
He inquisitively ask the lady, why is your stomach so big?
She replied, Im having a baby.
With big eyes,he asked, Is the baby in your stomach?
She said, He sure is.
Then the little boy with a puzzled look asked, Is it a good baby?
She said, oh yes, its a real good baby.
With even a more surprised and shocked look he said, Then why in the world did you eat him?
There was a little piece of Jewish cheese
and when he gave a big Jewish sneeze
he fell over and couldnt get back up
Then one day he saw a piece of Jewish clay
and deseided to make himself Jewish legs
when he was done he went to John
and said Im not finished
Why do men name their penises?
Because they dont like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions!
According to Harpers Index, sales of California Raisin(TM) merchandise in
North America topped $450 million last year. Sales of actual California
raisins were only $400 million during the same period.
A woman walked into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. The local drunk saw this and asked, Hey, whatcha doin with that pig?
Thats not a pig, you stupid ass! she said coldly. Thats a duck.
The drunk replied. I was talking to the duck.
Pasos que deben de seguir los hombres para hacer feliz a una mujer:
Regálele flores
Llévela a pasear cada noche
Cómprele un auto nuevo
Llénela de prendas
EscrÃbale un poema a la semana
Cántele una canción al atardecer
DÃgale que sin ella usted se muere
Bésele los ojos con ternura
AcarÃciela como si fuese un bebé
Desnúdela con la boca
Hágale el amor despacio y a media luz
Refiérase a las demás mujeres con desprecio
Susúrrele al oÃdo sus más dulces palabras de amor
Contrátele una empleada doméstica
Búsquele un chofer
Regrese a su casa siempre después del trabajo
No tome cervezas
No vea fútbol
Déle el remoto de la tele a ella
Pasos que deben de seguir las mujeres para hacer feliz a un hombre:
¡Chúpesela!
A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks into the bar, with no luck. Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most beautiful women you ever saw.
Disheartened by all this, the good looking man asks the barman, Excuse me, but that really ugly man just came in here and left with those two stunning women – whats his secret? Hes as ugly as sin and Im everything a girl could want but have not been able to connect all night – Whats going on?
Well, Said the Barman, I dont know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows…
My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried
under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told
him the truth–that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally–but I didnt
want to upset him.
The CIA advertised for new recruits. Three men answered and went to the office
for an interview.
After filling out their applications, they were taken one at a time into another
room where the interviewer told them, One of the requirements for joining the
CIA is that you have to prove your loyalty to us. We want you to take this gun,
go in the other room and shoot your wife!
Startled, the first job seeker replied, I cannot do that, we just got married!
The interviewer then told him that he was sorry, but that he would not receive a
job offer.
The second applicant was then taken into the room and given the same proposal,
to which he answered, I cannot do that. We have been married 10 years and we
have two lovely children!
At that point, he was turned away also.
The last applicant was presented with the ultimatum in the same monotone to
which he replied, Sure, I will do it!
He marched into the other room. Shots were fired and then noise came from the
room as if a brawl were ensuing, including loud screams, kicking and thumping.
The interviewee returned to the room where he was asked what had happened.
He said, Some jerk put blanks in the gun so I had to strangle her!
A neutron walks into a bar, and asks for a drink.
The bartender serves it up, and the neutron asks, Hey – how much?
Bartender replies, For you – no charge!