Old and New Jokes

Q: Why do blondes have orgasms?

A: So they know when to stop having sex!

[Ed: From around the time of the MS Windows Delays ]

Why did Microsoft hire Gary Hart to announce their delivery schedules?

To improve their credibility.

Patron: Waiter!

Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and Ill be your Support Waiter. What seems
to be the problem?

Patron: Theres a fly in my soup!

Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly wont be there this time.

Patron: No, its still there.

Waiter: Maybe its the way youre using the soup; try eating it with a
fork instead.

Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl
are you using?

Patron: A SOUP bowl!

Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe its a configuration problem; how
was the bowl set up?

Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the
fly in my soup?!

Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in
your soup?

Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!

Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?

Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??

Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.

Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?

Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.

Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. Im running late
now.

Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.

Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.

Patron: This is potato soup.

Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasnt ready yet.

Patron: Well, Im so hungry now, Ill eat anything.

Waiter leaves.

Patron: Waiter! Theres a gnat in my soup!

The check:

Soup of the Day …………………………….. $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day ……………… $2.50
Access to support …………………………… $1.00


Author Unknown.

A couple of kids tried using pickles for a Ping-Pong game. They had the volley of the Dills.

Indecent Exposure
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, Maam, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?

She says, Why, officer?

Because your breast is hanging out.

She looks down and says, OH MY GOODNESS! I left the baby on the bus again!

A man had a problem, there was a red ring around his dick. He was really worried so he went to the doctor.

The doctor took a good look at it and then after awhile of uming and ering, he said Well apply this on it and then come and see me in a few days.

The man was a bit relieved but was still worried about what would happen to his pride and joy. So that night before bed he applied the cream.

Sure enough by the morning the ring had disappeared. He was so happy he went straight to the doctors to tell him the good news.

He showed the doctor the ring was gone and the doctor was pleased.

The man asked him what the cream was.

The doctor replied, Just lipstick remover.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Joey!
Joey who?
Joey to the centre of the Earth!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Donald!
Donald who?
Donald come baby, cradle and all…!