Old and New Jokes

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 AM.

Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. She sleepily sat up and said, Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? Ive got a splitting headache.

Certainly, honey, he said, and feeling his way across the room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.

As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, Say, said the druggist, arent you Officer Fenwick of the 8th District?

Yes, I am, said the officer.

Well, then, what in the world are you doing in the Fire Chiefs uniform?

There is possibility to use your own image for the ecard – and people have used it surprisngly lot – I suppose about 5% of people have uploaded their own image and sent realy unique ecard to someone.

And then I came across of this ecard. It is sexy and it is adult – XXX even 🙂 (so it probably should NOT be in this site.

But its so damn hilarious I feel that I must promote it in some way…

Its probably not funny for other people than Estonians, as it is a parody of EMT – who launched their new corporate image and logo not long time ago.

Im not sure if I am getting into trouble by making this card public (either from the card author (I doubt it!) or being sued by the EMT (quite likely!)). Hopefully EMT bosses and lawyers have a sence of humor and enjoy the card also.) It is also a kind of advertising to them… who knows… maybe the card originates from someone working in EMT??? 🙂
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scroll down if you want to see / send this card!
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It contains nudity!
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Some may even say it is hardcore porno!
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But is is not! Softcore maybe? Erotic? Bot not pornographic by my understandings of what is porn and what is not…
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You have been warned!
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Last chance to turn away?
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Still here?
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OK then… click here to look at and to send someone the EMT parody card!

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, Lets go! The tense man sitting in the pilots seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.Fly over the north side of the fire, said the photographer, and make several low-level passes. Why? asked the nervous pilot. Because Im going to take pictures! yelled the photographer. Im a photographer, and photographers take pictures.After a long pause, the pilot replied: You mean, youre not my instructor?

Just because you are paranoid doesnt mean they are not out to get you.

I must take every precaution not to get pregnant, said Edna to Priscilla.

But I thought you said your hubby had a vasectomy, Priscilla responded.

He did. Thats why I have to take every precaution.

One day an older fella was in for a checkup. After his examination, his
doctor was amazed.

Holy cow! Mr. Edwards, I must say that you are in the greatest shape of
any 64 year old I have ever examined!

Did I say I was 64?

Well, no, did I read your chart wrong?

Damn straight you did! Im 85!

85!! Unbelievable! You would be in great shape if you were 25! How old
was your father when he died?

Did I say he was dead?

You mean…

Damn straight! Hes 106 and going strong!

My Lord! What a healthy family you must come from! How long did your
grandfather live?

Did I say he was dead?

No! You cant mean…

Damn straight! Hes 126, and getting married next week!

126! Truly amazing, Mr. Edwards. But gee, I wouldnt think a man would
want to get married at that age!

Did I say he wanted to get married?…

When James Kirk and Spock were in college, they always used ladies toilet. Know why?

They wanted to go where no man has gone before!

A: She peed on her corn flakes.

On the sixth day God turned to the angel Gabriel and said Today I am going to create a land called Canada.

It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty – it shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, and beautiful sparkly lakes bountiful with carp and trout. There shall be forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon.

God continued, I shall make the land rich in oil so to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth.

But Lord, asked Gabriel, dont you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?

No, not really. God replied…

Just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them!

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spends $5000 and feels really good about the result. On her way home she stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving she says to the sales clerk, I hope you dont mind me asking, but how old do you think I am? About 35 was the reply.
Im actually 47, the woman says happily.A little while later she goes to McDonalds for lunch and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, Id guess that youre 29? Nope, I am actually 47.Shes starting to feel real good about herself. While standing at the bus stop she asks an old man the same question. He replies, I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a womans age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your fanny for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age.As there was no one else around the woman thought what the hell and let him slip his hand down her pants. Ten minutes later the old man says,OK, its done. You are 47. Stunned, the woman says, That was brilliant! How the hell did you do that? The old man replies, I was behind you in McDonalds.