Q: How many Iranians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One hundred – One to screw it in and 99 to hold the house hostage.
26
May
26
May
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Castor!
Castor who?
Castorblanca!
26
May
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
33. Buy three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet.
26
May
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
26
May
This fella goes to the doctor and saysDoctor, Ive got a rash round my cock, have you got anything for it?
The doctor said put this on and come back next week if it doesnt work.
The bloke comes back the next week and the cream hadnt worked so he tells the doctor and the doctor gives him more cream and tells him to come back next week if it doesnt work.
The bloke comes back and the cream still hasnt worked so the doctor says Drop your pants.
The man drops his pants and the doctor has a look and tells him to put another cream on the man then says Doctor its worked!! What was that?
The doctor replies Lipstick remover
26
May
All the knights of the kingdom were leaving for the Crusade. One knight told his trusted servant, My bride is the most beautiful woman in the country and incredible in bed. If I die, I do not want such beauty and sexual talent to be wasted. I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to be used if I do not return from my journeys.The knights had only gone a short distance when they heard a horse charging up behind them. Thinking it might be an important message, the knights halted. The horseman who approached was the knights servant. Out of breath, he gasped, Hey! You gave me the wrong key!
26
May
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree.
After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.
After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.
Dear, she chirped, I think its time to tell him hes adopted.
26
May
A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!
The CEO, walks up the guy and asks – and how much money do you make a week?
Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, I make $
200.00 a week. Why?
The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams – heres a weeks pay, now GET OUT and dont come back!
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks – does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters – Pizza delivery guy.
25
May
Q: How many chess grandmasters does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They are too Short.
25
May
Antes: Dos por noche. Después: Dos por mes.
Antes: ¡Me dejas sin aliento! Después: ¡Me estás ahogando!
Antes: ¡No pares! Después: ¡No empieces!
Antes: Saturday Night Fever. Después: Monday Night Football.
Antes: El sonido de la música. Después: Los sonidos del silencio.
Antes: Estar a tu lado. Después: ¡Hazte a un lado!
Antes: Me gustan las mujeres llenitas. Después: ¡Nunca me gustaron las gordas!
Antes: ¡Qué lunar más lindo tienes! Después: Esa verruga ¿cuándo te la operas?
Antes: Me pregunto qué harÃa sin ella. Después: Me pregunto qué hago con ella.
Antes: Erótica. Después: Neurótica.
Antes: Parece que estamos juntos desde siempre. Después: ¡Siempre estamos juntos!
Antes: Ella adora cómo controlo las situaciones. Después: Ella dice que soy un manipulador ególatra.
Antes: Anoche lo hicimos en el sofá. Después: Anoche dormà en el sofá.
Antes: HabÃa una vez. Después: Fin.