Three Jewish Grandmothers were sitting around, drinking tea and talking about their grandsons professions. One was a doctor, the second an architect, and the third a computer scientist. The Grandmothers got to arguing about whose profession was the oldest.
In the course of their arguments, they got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon the doctors Grandma said, The medical profession is clearly the oldest, because Eve was made from Adams rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply incredible surgical feat.
The architects Grannie did not agree. She said, But if you look at the Garden itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of that, the Garden and the world were created. So G-d must have been an architect.
The computer scientists Bubbie, who had listened to all of this said, Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?
Are you harboring a fugitive- Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me A.S.A.P. – Kum Hia Nao
Small Horse – Tai Ni Po Ni
Your price is too high – No Bai Dam Thing
Did you go to the beach – Wai Yu So Tan
I bumped into a coffee table – Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a facelift – Chin Tu Fat
Its very dark in here – Wai So Dim?
Has your flight been delayed? – Hao Long Wei Ting?
That was an unauthorized execution.- Lin Ching
I thought you were on a diet – Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone. – No Pah King
You are not very bright – Yu So Dum
I got this for free – Ai No Pei
I am not guilty – Wai Hang Mi?
Please, stay a while longer – Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week – Wai Yu Kum Nao
They have arrived – Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight – Lei Lo
Hes cleaning his automobile – Wa Shing Ka
Does this bathroom stink! Hu Flung Dung?
A brunette was walking on the railroad tracks saying,
21…
21….
21…. when a blonde jumped on. A train came and the brunette jumped off…the train hit the blonde. The Brunette then got back onto the tracks and started saying,
22…..
22……
22…..
Bubba was Alabamas star lineman. He was great at football, but not at academics. The principal was letting it slide until one day he decided that Bubbas grades HAD to be better. They decided to make him take a test. It was only one math problem. Everyone wanted to support Bubba out in the stands, so they held the test in the middle of the football stadium, so everyone could see. His math teacher went out to the center of the field with Bubba. It was test time. The teacher said, Ok, Bubba. What is six plus three?
Bubba sat and thought. Then he said, nine, confidently. But out in the stands, everyone was yelling, Aw, cmon. Give him another chance!
5. Thou shalt check the array bounds of all strings (indeed, all arrays), for surely where thou typest foo someone someday shall type supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
Q: How many law professors does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: You need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
Nine signs you are on a No Frill Airline
1. You cant board the plane unless you have the exact change.
2. Before you take off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.
3. The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.
4. When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.
5. The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.
6. You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he says, Just once.
7. No movie. Dont need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.
8. You see a man with a gun, but hes demanding to be let off the plane.
9. All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.
Four married guys go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued:
First Guy: Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.
Second Guy: Thats nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.
Third Guy: Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her.
They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him. You havent said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. Whats the deal?
Fourth Guy: Thats easy! I just set my alarm for 5:30am. When it goes off, I shut off my alarm, give the wife a poke. Golf Course or Intercourse?, I ask. She says, Wear your sweater.
Why are Grandmas so nice?
Theres no kids and no periods.
Instruction Booklet Governing Principle: Instruction booklets are lost by the Goods Delivery Service. If not, they are listed in four languages: Japanese, Thai, Swahili, and Mongol.