Old and New Jokes

(The numbers are obtained by translating each character (letter, number, space, etc.) into its corresponding ASCII value.)

It looks like well-known OSs fall into the same category:

M S – D O S 6 . 2 1

77 + 83 + 45 + 68 + 79 + 83 + 32 + 54 + 46 + 50 + 49 = 666

W I N D O W S 9 5

87 + 73 + 78 + 68 + 79 + 87 + 83 + 57 + 53 + 1 = 666

S Y S T E M 7 . 0

83 + 89 + 83 + 84 + 69 + 77 + 32 + 55 + 46 + 48 = 666

Coincidence? I think not!

The real name of Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III. Nowadays he is known as Bill Gates (III), where III means the order of third (3rd).

By converting the letters of his current name to the ASCII-values and adding his (III), you get the following:

B I L L G A T E S (III)

66 + 73 + 76 + 76 + 71 + 65 + 84 + 69 + 83 + 3 = 666 (!!!)

Some might ask, How did Bill Gates get so powerful?

Coincidence? Or just the beginning of mankinds ultimate and total enslavement? You decide!

Whats it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down?

Marriage.

Jesus scurried into the carpenters shop and said,

Father, did you call me?

Joseph said, No. I just hit my thumb with a hammer.

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are
the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them
a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try
to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the
forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three
months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not
exist.

Then the FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the
forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make
no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

Then the LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly
beaten raccoon. The raccoon is yelling: Okay! Okay! Im a rabbit!
Im a rabbit!

A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, the man called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, Im so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died.
The man was very upset and yelled, You know, you could have broken the news to me better than that. When I called today, you could have said he was on the roof and wouldnt come down. Then when I called the next day, you could have said that he had fallen off and the vet was working on patching him up. Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed away.

The brother thought about it and apologized.

So hows Mom? asked the man.

Shes on the roof and wont come down.

[ Another Scottish joke ]

Red Adair walked into an Aberdonian pub after two weeks spent putting
out a fire in a North Sea oil well. He ordered a pint of heavy and
found a table. The man sitting next to him immediately noticed that
this rugged-looking elderly fellow was indeed an American and said:

Ive been to the States myself, you know. I went there last year.

Oh really… our oil rig hero said in a rather tired voice.

Aye, I spent a month in California. One night I went to a concert
with a famous country singer called Benny Rogers, and…

Surely you must mean KENNY Rogers, Red said, looking at the ceiling.

Aye, thats right. Anyway, he sang a duet with a bonnie lass
called Polly Darton.

Its DOLLY PARTON, not Polly Darton. Red was not in the friendliest
of moods now.

The Scot realized that he was making a fool of himself and tried a
change of topic:

Havent I seen you on TV? Youre quite famous, arent you?

This made old Red cheer up:

Indeed you have. Im Red Adair! he said with a grin.

Red Adair?! The REAL Red Adair? So, are you still married to Ginger
Rogers?

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the drivers side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. I cant believe how materialistic you lawyers are, he said. You are so focused on your possessions that you dont notice anything else.

How can you say such a thing? asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, Dont you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you.

My God! screamed the lawyer. Wheres my Rolex?

Only three. The rest are true stories.

THE BOYS OF SUMMER

A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. Big deal you may say, but theres a twist here that makes him a candidate. It seems he and a friend were playing catch with a rattlesnake. The friend (a future Darwin Awards candidate himself) was hospitalized.

If at first you dont succeed, skydiving is not your sport.