A motorcycle cop had just pulled over a red Porsche after it had run a stop sign.May I see your drivers license and registration please.?Whats the problem, officer?You just ran that stop sign back there.Oh come on, pal, there wasnt a car within miles of me.Nevertheless, sir, you are required to come to complete stop, look both ways, and proceed with caution.You gotta be kidding me.Its no joke, sir.Look, I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one within twenty miles, and proceeded with caution.Thats beside the point, sir. You are supposed to come to a complete stop, and you didnt. Now, if I may see your license and…Youve got a lot of time on your hands, pal. Whats the matter, all the donut shops closed?Sir, Ill overlook that last comment. Let me see your license and registration immediately.I will, if you can tell me the difference between slowing down and coming to a complete stop.The policeman had enough.Sir, I can do better than that.He opened the car door, dragged the rude motorist out, and proceeded to methodically beat him over the head with his nightstick.Now, sir, would you like for me to slow down or come to complete stop?

When visiting Argentina, Bill Clinton was offered a book by a local reporter, who does this kind of stuff. The book was Kama Sutra. Clinton looked at the cover and gave the book back.

Not-so-releable witnesses have reported that while handing the book back Clinton mumbled: Seen that. Done that. Been there.

But the story isnt over yet. Another reporter gave Bill a saxofone. Billy boy didnt take that one either, perhaps commenting: Sorry, Im not into that kind of blowing anymore

Q: Why did the punk rocker cross the road?

A: Because he stapled himself to the chicken.

161. Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?

A: Write Please turn over on both sides of a piece of paper

162. Q: Why arent there many blonde gymnasts?

A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.

163. Q: Why do blondes have legs?

A1: So they dont get stuck to the ground.

A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.

A3: So they dont leave trails, like little snails.

164. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home?

A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.

165. Q: What is the irritating part around a blondes vagina?

A: The Blonde!

166. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?

A: Flattered.

167. Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?

A: They always forget the 11 in 9-1-

1.

168. Q: Did you hear about the blondes who froze to death at the Drive Inn Theater?

A: They went to see Closed for the Season

169. Q: What did the blonde say when asked if shed ever been picked up by the fuzz?

A: No. But Ive been swung around by the tits.

170. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?

A: An interpreter.

171. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?

A: A mental block.

172. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?

A: A wind tunnel.

173. Q: What do you call 25 blondes on top of each other?

A: An air mattress.

174. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?

A: A dope ring.

175. Q: What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ?

A: Sweet Fuck All…

176. Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?

A: Frosted Flakes.

177. Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?

A: Air bubbles.

178. Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?

A: Frosted Flakes.

179. Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?

A: Last years hide-and-seek champ.

180. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blondes head?

A: A Space Invader.

a jewish boy comes home and tells his father that he needs $5 for tommorow

four dollars?!?! replies the father what do you need three dollars for?

Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blondes head?

A: A Space Invader.

This young woman brought her child into Childrens Hospital
for a routine check-up. On the records, the nurse saw that
the childs first name was Urine (pronounced Urin-ie). Not
wanting to be rude, but wanting to know why this woman would
name her child this, the nurse asked her how Urine got her name.

The woman explained, Well, my baby was born premature and had
to stay in the special nursery. She was real sick and they
didnt know if she would make it. I couldnt decide what to
name her, but the nurses said they would pray for her. One
day I came in and there was this paper on her incubator that
said Please save Urine, so I knew that they had named my baby.

You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
You have to believe that the same teacher who cant teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat, than U.S. nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of Chinese communists.
You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earths climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.
You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.
You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
You have to believe that hunters dont care about nature, but loony activists whove never been outside of Seattle do.
You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.
You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinmen are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.
You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides arent.
You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady.
You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasnt worked anywhere its been tried, is because the right people havent been in charge.
You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.
You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
You have to believe that illegal Democratic party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

A: No blondes.

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

How do you get the Keep off the Grass sign on the grass?

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

How do you know when youve run out of invisible ink?

How do you throw away a garbage can?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?

If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it considered a ham-hock?

If a turtle lost his shell, is he homeless or naked?

If athletes get athlete’s foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?

If blind people wear dark glasses, why dont deaf people wear earmuffs?

If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from?

If I save time, when do I get it back?

If rabbits feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?

If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look like the way they do?