Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: Slim, Im 83 years old now and Im just full of aches and pains. I know youre about my age. How do you feel?
Slim says, I feel just like a newborn baby.
Really!? Like a newborn baby!?
Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.
This old letch plans to marry a young blonde gold digger.
Object: breathing some new life into him.
It doesnt. In fact, she just about fucks him to death on their honeymoon.
On his deathbed, he calls for his adult sons and says he has one final request: After Im gone, cremate me, then put me in her douche bag and run me through one more time.
Q. What comes out of the penis first at the time of orgasm?
A. The wrinkles.
Why did the boy take a ladder to school?
It was a high school.
Johns girlfriend had long been complaining that she wasnt getting
satisfied, because his dick was too short. And now she had announced
that she was going to leave him, and find a bigger guy. John didnt
think he could stand to lose her, since everything else about their
relationship was wonderful. He begged her to stay with him a little
longer, and he promised hed figure out something.
She agreed to give him a week. In desperation, John went to see a
doctor, to ask if there was anything that could be done. At first, the
doctor said no, there really wasnt anything that could be done. When
John wasnt convinced, the doctor said well, maybe the new experimental
… no, better not even consider that. It was too new, and there wasnt
enough information about what might go wrong.
John wasnt having any of that. He said he was desperate, and hed try
anything, if it would give him a longer penis. After some argument, the
doctor agreed to send him to the university hospital for the operation,
which consisted of attaching the end of a baby elephants trunk to his
penis, but repeated that he definitely didnt recommend this operation
and wouldnt take any responsibility for the results.
John had the operation, it was a success, and within the week, John was
ready to put his new tool to work. He was really going to surprise his
girlfriend with this thing. Shed be delighted–it was really big!
First he took her out to a fancy restaurant, and they had a perfect
meal. As they were finishing up dinner, John got a devilish idea. He
unzipped his fly under the tablecloth, and took it out. Then, before
he knew what was happening, this penis snaked up over the edge of the
table, and started feeling around. It found a hard roll, and with a
little sniffing sound, grabbed the roll, and zipped back under the
tablecloth.
Johns girlfriend was delighted! Can you do that again? she asked.
John replied, Uh, I think so, but I dont think my ass can take another
one of those rolls.
The teacher put two baskets of treats on her desk, a basket of apples and a basket of cookies.
She told the students to each take only one treat.
Next to the basket of apples was a sign:
Take only one, God is watching.
As one little boy reached over to take a cookie, the boy next to him said, Take all you want, Gods watching the apples!
yo mamaso fat every time she farts she moves the whole earth out of orbit
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Japan!
Japan who!
Japan is too hot, ouch!
Respuesta (cuando se quedaba callada)
QueridÃsimo esposo:
Me parece que has mal interpretado las cosas. Aquà van las razones por las que no conseguiste más de lo que tuviste.
Volver borracho: 14 veces
No volver a casa: 30 veces
No volver temprano: 18 veces
Volver demasiado temprano: 29 veces
Se te puso floja antes de tiempo: 16 veces
Calambres en las piernas: 11 veces
No se te paró: 34 veces
Medio se te paró: 25 veces
Te la machucaste con el cierre: 13 veces
TenÃas resfriado y te goteaba la nariz: 17 veces
El café estaba muy caliente y te quemó la lengua: 09 veces
Me lo quisiste hacer por atrás pensando que era por delante: 12 veces
Se te pasaron las ganas después de pensar en ello demasiado: 36 veces
Te viniste en la pijama después de leer un libro porno: 15 veces
Por cierto, las veces que permanecà ahà acostada simplemente, fue debido a que te saliste y te dedicaste a hacerlo con las sábanas. ParecÃas tan entusiasmado, que no quise moverme y arruinarte el placer. Y la vez que me levanté y me puse a respirar agitadamente, fue porque en tus movimientos pasionales se te salió… ¡un pedo!
Atentamente
Tu esposa.
Why is there no proof? She swallowed the evidence.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls,
and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.