Old and New Jokes

Q: Why do so many black people move to Detroit?

A: Because they heard there were no jobs there.

These future bestsellers will not only be popular to the stupid, but they will also save trees. When they come out, you can expect each of them to take up no more than half of a page.

1. Attractive leaders of the Feminist Movement
2. Clinton Policies that actually save money
3. The Logic of the Politically Correct
4. History of the Countries where Socialism worked
5. Good Points of Clintons Health Program
6. Nazi-Feminists that Makes Sense
7. The Submissive Woman by Hillary Clinton.
8. Creating New Jobs in America – by Bill Clinton
9. Life During Wartime by Bill Clinton.
10. Avoiding the Tax and Spend Government – by Slick Willy
11. Why People are More Important than Animals – Greenpeace
12. Deep-Thinking Liberals
13. The Contribution of Political Correctness to Free Speech
14. Why Political Correctness is not Censorship
15. The Merits of Gun Control
16. Feminists Worth Marrying
17. How Mass Unemployment Helps the Economy by Socialists.
18. To Tell the Truth – by President Bill Clinton
19. Unshakeable Principles I Live By – by Bill Clinton
20. The Golden Voice of Roger Clinton
21. Roger Clinton: My Career Without My Brother Bill

These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say…

ITS A GUY THING

Translated:* There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.

CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?

Translated:* Why isnt it already on the table?

UH HUH, SURE, HONEY, OR YES, DEAR

Translated:* Absolutely nothing. Its a conditioned response.

Un hombre y una mujer septuagenarios viven en un asilo para ancianos. Se conocen y deciden unirse en pareja; a partir de ese día los abuelos van juntos al parque. Un día, el viejo le dice a la anciana:

Mira, mujer, tú y yo estamos muy viejos para el sexo, así que me conformare con que tú sostengas mi pene en tu manita.

La dama aceptó y cada que vez que iban al parque agarraba el pene del vetusto con su mano. Sin embargo un buen día, la viejita fue al parque y no lo encontró en la banca de siempre. Desesperada, lo busca hasta encontrarlo con otra vieja que le sostenía el pene con su mano. Con lágrimas en los ojos, le reclama al carcamal:

¿Por qué, si tú y yo éramos felices? ¿Qué tiene ella que no tenga yo?

¡Mal de Parkinson!

Im as confused as a hungry baby in a topless club!

A women accompanied her husband to the doctors office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said: If you dont do the following, your husband will surely die. 1. Each morning , fix him a healthy breakfast.

2. Be pleasant and make sure he is in a good mood.

3. For lunch, make him a nutritious meal.

4. For dinner, prepare him an especially nice meal.

5. Dont burden him with chores as he probably had a hard day.

6. Dont discuss yuor problems with him.

7. And most importantly, have sex with him several times a week and satisfy his every whim.



On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor said to her.



Youre going to DIE she replied.

A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.

The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only deader.

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says
Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted
Drunk gets nine months in violin case
Survivor of siamese twins joins parents
Farmer Bill dies in house
Iraqi head seeks arms
Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
Stud tires out
Prostitutes appeal to Pope
Panda mating fails; Veterinarian takes over
Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
British left waffles on Falkland Islands
Lung cancer in women mushrooms
Eye drops off shelf
Teacher strikes idle kids
Reagan wins on budget, but more lies ahead
Squad helps dog bite victim
Shot off womans leg helps nicklaus to 66
Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
Plane too close to ground, crash probe told
Miners refuse to work after death
Juvenile court to try shooting defendant
Stolen painting found by tree
Two soviet ships collide, one dies
2 sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter
Killer sentenced to die for second time in 10 years
Never withhold herpes infection from loved one
Drunken drivers paid $1000 in 84
War dims hope for peace
If strike isnt settled quickly, it may last a while
Cold wave linked to temperatures

At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Mr. Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished the days lesson. It was now time for the usual question period.

Mr. Goldblatt, announced little Joey, theres somethin I cant figure out.

Whats that Joey? asked Mr. Goldblatt.

Well accordin to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?

Right.

An the Children of Israel beat up the Phillistines, right?

Er — right.

An the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?

Again youre right.

An the Children of Israel fought the gyptians, an the Children of Israel fought the Romans, an the Children of Israel wuz always doin somethin important, right?

All that is right, too, agreed Mr. Goldblatt. So whats your question?

What I wanna know is this, asked Joey, What wuz the grown-ups doin all that time?