When is the best time to fake an orgasm?
When a rotteweiler is f**king your leg.
01
Jan
01
Jan
A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. "I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation.""Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on."The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again."What was that for?" he complained."Your dog called last night."
01
Jan
Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, Next.
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: Hes had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.
31
Dec
Yo mama so greasy she sweats Crisco!
31
Dec
Women goes into a bar with a duck under her arm.
Bartenders says whatll the pig have.
The woman says, thats not a pig, thats a duck!.
I know says the bartender, I was talking to the duck.
31
Dec
Una pareja de raza negra decide impresionar en la fiesta de disfraces de unos amigos. El marido le pide a su mujer que se encargue de alquilarle un disfraz original… La mujer va a la tienda y le trae un disfraz de Batman.
Pero mujer, ¿cómo se te ocurre traerme este disfraz? ¿acaso has visto alguna vez un Batman negro?
La mujer, muy contrariada, va en busca de otro disfraz… y le trae al marido un disfraz de Superman.
Pero por Dios, a quien se le ocurre… primero de Batman, ahora de Superman… ¿Cuando narices has visto un Superheroe negro? Anda vete a la tienda y que te lo cambien de inmediato.
La mujer que estaba hasta el gorro de su marido, y aprovechando que se encontraba en la ducha, le deja encima de la cama: tres botones blancos, un cinturón blanco, y un palo de madera.
El marido al ver ese conjunto de elementos encima de la cama, y muy sorprendido le pregunta a su mujer:
Pero bueno… ¿qué es todo esto?
Muy sencillo cariñito… Si te pegas en el pecho los tres botones blancos puedes ir de ficha de dominó… o bien si prefieres te colocas el cinturón y vas de Galleta Oreo… y si no te gusta ninguno, te puedes meter el palo de madera por el culo, y vas de Helado de Chocolate.
31
Dec
17 percent of all car-crashes are caused by drunken drivers. So 83 percent of all crashes are caused by not-drunken drivers.
Why cant this sober guys stay off the streets and help us increase the safety of our car-traffic by mor than 400 percent?
31
Dec
You might be a redneck if…
You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood".
31
Dec
You might be a redneck if…
You think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.
31
Dec
What Congress means by ethics is best explained by the tailors story:
Suppose I sell a suit to a young man for $200. He tells me that
his family is footing the bill and that if I give him a receipt
for $400 to give to his parents, he will pay me $100 on the side.
The question of ethics is: Do I keep the extra $100 myself, or
do I tell my partner and split it with him?