After each question, your say: Rubber Jugs and Liquor.
Q: What did you have for breakfast?
A: Rubber Jugs and Liquor!
Q: What did you have for lunch?
A: Rubber Jugs and Liquor!
Q: What did you have for supper?
A: Rubber Jugs and Liquor! . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Q: What would you do if you saw a hot chick walking down the street?
hee-hee hoo-hoo haa-haa!
In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8 X 10 cell.
At work you spend most of your time in a 6 X 8 cubicle.
In prison you get three meals a day.
At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.
In prison you get time off for good behaviour.
At work you get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.
At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
In prison you can watch TV and play games.
At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere.
At work you are just ball-and-chained.
In prison you get your own loo.
At work you have to share.
In prison they allow your family and friends to visit.
At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends.
In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required.
At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.
In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside bars.
In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time.
At work there are some programs you can never get out of.
In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic.
At work we have managers.
While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk.
People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, one says, but we have no one to go to with our own problems.
Since were all professionals, another suggests, why dont we hear each other out right now?
They agreed this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, Im a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually overbill my patients as often as I can.
The second admits, I have a drug problem thats out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me.
The third psychiatrist says, I know its wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just cant keep a secret.
Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.
Mum caught little Johnny jerking his meat off one day.
She told him – Johnny dearest, good boys save it till theyre
18.
Johnny did. And by 18, he had 11 jars full!
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesnt have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, Im blonde,
Im smart and I have a good job. Im staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.
The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says, Im blonde, Im smart, and I have a good job. Im staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.
The stewardesses dont know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section.
The head stewardess asks the copilot what he said to get her to move. The copilot replies, I told her the front half of the airplane wasnt going to Jamaica.
Se acerca la Navidad, y la maestra les pregunta a los alumnos:
A ver niños, ¿qué les va a traer Santa Claus?
A mà me va traer un trenecito eléctrico, dice Juanito.
¿Y cómo sabes?, le pregunta la maestra.
Ah, porque ya lo vi. Mi papá lo tiene escondido en el garaje.
A mà me va a traer una muñeca que habla, informa Lily.
¿Y cómo sabes?
Bueno, porque ya la vi. Mi mamá la escondió en el armario.
¿Y a ti Pepito?
Bueno, a mà me va a traer una bicicleta, y mi papá la tiene escondida en sus huevos.
¿En sus huevos?, se sorprende la maestra.
Si, yo le pregunté: papá, ¿tú crees que Santa me traiga mi bici? Entonces se agarró los huevos y dijo: ¡Aquà está tu pinche bicicleta!
A florist received an outraged telephone call from a man who had moved his restaurant to a new spot in town. The restaurant owner had been sent a funeral wreath along with a card that read:
SINCEREST SYMPATHIES.
The florist realized that he must have mixed up two orders and shuddered to think of the flowers that should have gone to the restaurant man. He had sent to the funeral a clover design of red roses across which was a bright green ribbon bearing the inscription: =20
BEST OF LUCK IN YOUR NEW LOCATION.
-I went into your house, took a booger of the wall and yo mamma told me not to touch the family portrait.
YO MAMMAS SO FAT:
-she was mistaken for gods bowling ball.
-when her beeper goes off, people think shes backing up
-she had to go to Sea World to get babtised
-she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth
-her favorite dress is a tent
-she left home with highheels and came back with flip-flops
-she has to iron her pants on the driveway
-she needs a building permit for her girdle
-she needs a hula-hoop for a belly button ear ring
-she puts on tampons with a bazooka
-she has to put lipstick on with a paint roller
-she had to get her ears pierced with a harpoon
-she sat on a rainbow and and Skittles came out
-she sat on a quarter and got 2 dimes and a nickel
-she rolled over 4 quarters and made it a dollar
-when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washingtons nose
-the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs
The new IRS motto: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got.