Old and New Jokes

The Talibans Fall TV Line-up

MONDAYS:

8:00 – Husseinfeld

8:30 – Mad About Everything

9:00 – Suddenly Sanctions

9:30 – The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show

10:00 – Allah McBeal

TUESDAYS:

8:00 – Wheel of Terror and Fortune

8:30 – The Price is Right If Usama Says Its Right

9:00 – Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things

9:30 – Afganistans Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers

10:00 – Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer

WEDNESDAYS:

8:00 – U.S. Military Secrets Revealed

8:30 – Bowling For Food

9:00 – Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread

9:30 – Just Shoot Everyone

10:00 – Veilwatch

THURSDAYS:

8:00 – Matima Loves Chachi

8:30 – M*U*S*T*A*S*H

9:00 – Veronicas Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils

9:30 – My Two Baghdads

10:00 – Diagnosis: Heresy

FRIDAYS:

8:00 – Judge Laden

8:30 – Funniest Super 8 Home Movies

9:00 – Who Wants To Execute A Multimillionare

9:30 – Achmeds Creek

10:00 – No-witness News

2 men are on a bar on the top of a building, the first man drinks a martini and jumps off the building. But 5 minutes later he has come back to the bar again. He does the exact same thing, he drinks a martini, jumps off the building and 5 minutes later he comes back to the bar again. The second man says, “WOW!! that’s amazing, how do you do that?” The man replies, “It’s easy, all you have to do is drink a martini and jump off!” “But how does that work?” “The alcohol in the martini gives you the ability to just float down!” So the man jumps off the building, after he had drank a martini, but he died. The second man was laughing really hard, then the bartender said to him, “Sometimes you are so slack SUPERMAN!”.

How many Man U. fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to change the lightbulb, and one to drive down to Kent to pick him/her up.

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.

Are you crazy yelled the customer, sticking your thumb in my steak?!

What answers the waiter, You want it to fall on the floor again?

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.

The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus.

The Blonde team rides on the top level.

The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesnt hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.

She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

The Brunette asks, What the hecks goin on up here? Were havin a grand time downstairs!

One of the Blondes from the second team looks up and says…

Yeah, but youve got a driver!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Marilyn!
Marilyn who?
Marilyn is a state north of Virginia!

Q: How many academics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Thats what research students are for.

Redneck Sex Test

1.The clitoris is a type of flower….. True or False
2.A pubic hair is a wild rabbit…… True or False
3.Spread Eagle is an extinct bird….. True or False
4.Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack…..True or False
5.A menstrual cycle has three wheels…… True or False
6.A G-string is part of a fiddle….. True or False
7.Semen is a term for sailors…… True or False
8.Anus is a Latin term for yearly…… True or False
9.Testicles are found on an Octopus….. True or False
10.Asphalt describes rectal problems…… True or False
11.KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati….. True or False
12.Masturbate is used to catch large fish….. True or False
13.Coitus is a musical instrument…… True or False
14.Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke….. True or False
15.An umbilical chord is part of a parachute….. True or False
16.A condom is a large apartment complex….. True or False
17.An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir…. True or False
18.A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry….. True or False
19.A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle….. True or False
20.An erection is when Japanese people vote….. True or False
21.A lesbian is a person from the Middle East….. True or False
22.Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass….. True or False
23. Pornography is the business of making records….. True or False
24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin…… True or False
25. Douche is the French word for twelve…… True or False

Un italiano está en el hospital esperando a que su mujer dé a luz. Un rato después sale el doctor del quirófano y le informa:

¡Han sido quintillizos!

¡Lo sabía, es que tengo un cañón!, responde orgulloso el hombre.

Pues a ver si lo limpia un poquito porque han salido todo negros.

Cierta noche, Manolo llega a su casa; pasa a la habitación; se quita la ropa y se acuesta al lado de su esposa. Antes de dormir, casualmente echa la mirada hacia los pies y se queda estupefacto:

Pilarica, ¿qué es lo que está pasando? Yo veo seis pies del otro lado de la cama.

¿Cómo puede ser? Son cuatro. Cuéntalos bien.

El hombre se levanta, se pone enfrente a la cama y se pone a contar:

Uno, dos, tres, cuatro… Oh, sí, es verdad…

Y se acuesta a dormir tranquilo.