En la alcoba conyugal, la sensual esposa recibe al marido a las tres de la mañana diciéndole:
Desabrocha mi blusa y déjala sobre la cama.
SÃ.
Ahora el sostén y ponlo en la silla.
Claro.
Deja mi falda en el ropero.
Bueno.
Ahora mis pantys en el cesto.
Ya está.
¡Y que sea la última vez que te pones mi ropa, maricón de mierda!
Estaba en el cielo una fila de hombres blancos esperando a que San Pedro les tomara sus datos y los enviara a sus respectivos lugares definitivos cuando llegó un negro.
El negro, viendo que todos en la fila eran blancos, se pone nervioso y se dice, Ahora se van a cargar conmigo por ser negro, y me van a mandar al infierno, tengo que idearme algo.
Asà que cuando llega su turno San Pedro le pregunta su nombre y el negro contesta, Leonardo DiCaprio
San Pedro coge el teléfono y dice, Jesús, ¿el Titanic se quemó o se hundió?
A man is in a bar having a drink. The guy next to him falls off of his barstool. The man picks up the guy and sits him back on the barstool, and he falls off again. This time he picks the guy up and asks, Where do you live?
Being a kind soul, the man takes the guy to his car, puts him in the back seat, and drives him home. When they get to the guys house, the man helps the guy out of the car, but he falls down 3 times before getting to the front door. The man rings the doorbell and the guys wife comes to the door. The man says, Hello, Ive brought your husband home.
The wife looks at the man and asks, Wheres his wheel chair?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
This sounds a lot like an urban myth, but my brother-in-law tells me
that this happened to the wife of someone he works with. I must admit
that Im a bit sceptical but its certainly worth a chuckle.
It seems that this lady didnt quite make it to hospital for the birth
of her child, in fact, the baby was born on the lawn just outside the
main entrance. The poor woman was dreadfully embarrassed and was being
consoled by one of the Nurses, who said; Dont worry about it. It could
have been worse, why two years ago we had a woman who gave birth in the
elevator. The woman cried That was me! and burst into tears.
A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten legs on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing.
He sat straight in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the birds legs and give the common name, habitat, genus and species.
The student looked at each of the birds legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it the madder he got.
Finally he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professors desk and said, What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs? With that the student threw his test on the professors desk and walked to the door.
The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didnt know every students name so as the student reached the door the professor called, Mister, whats your name?
The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, You tell me buddy! You tell me!
One was a musician, and the other didnt have any money either.
A rabbi, a protestant minister and a catholic priest and a baptist preacher were discussing religion.
The rabbi said: Lets be honest with each other. We all have our vices. For instance, Im not supposed to eat ham or pork – but i love them!
The protestant minister said, Well, I do have one vice – I like to drink. In fact, I get pissed from time to time.
The catholic priest said, Ill be honest. I like girls. I like to get laid at least once a week.
They looked at the baptist preacher. Havent you got any vices? they asked.
Well, only one, he said. I like to gossip!
An old Jewish man was once on the subway and he sat down next to a younger man. He noticed that the young man had a strange kind of shirt collar. Having never seen a priest before, he asked the man, Excuse me sir, but why do you have your shirt collar on backwards?
The priest became a bit flustered but politely answered I wear this collar because I am a Father.
The Jewish man thought a second and responded Sir I am also a Father but I wear my collar front-ways. Why do you wear your collar so differently?
The priest thought for a minute and said Sir, I am the father for many.
The Jewish man quickly answered I too am the father of many. I have four sons, four daughters and too many grandchildren to count. But I wear my collar like everyone else does. Why do you wear it your way?
The priest who was beginning to get exasperated thought and then blurted out Sir, I am the father for hundreds and hundreds of people.
The Jewish man was taken aback and was silent for a long time. As he got up to leave the subway train, he leaned over to the priest and said Mister, maybe you should wear your pants backwards.
There was a guy in the middle of the desert and his car broke down.
He started walking and he came to a monastery, where he asked them if he could borrow a mule.
The monks lent him one, and they explained that you had to say Thank the Lord! to make it go and Amen! to make it stop.
So the man said, Thank the Lord, thank the Lord and thank the Lord! and the mule took off! He was coming to the edge of a cliff and he forgot how to make it stop.
Finally, at the very edge he remembered, Amen! The guy was so relieved he shouted, Thank the Lord!