OWNERSHIP SURVEY
This was actually posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas web site by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does not (have a sense of humor), and made the web department take it down immediately. (In case you dont know: McDonnell-Douglas is one of the worlds chief suppliers of military aircraft.)
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Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell-Douglas military aircraft.
In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1. [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_]Comrade [_] Classified [_] Other
First Name: …………………………………………….
Initial: ……..
Last Name: ……………………………………………..
Password: ………………………… (max 8 char)
Code Name: ……………………………………………..
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ……….. ……….. ……….
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat [_] F-15 Eagle [_] F-16 Falcon [_] F-117A Stealth [_] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19……. / ……. /……
4. Serial Number:…………………………………………
5. Please check where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift [_] Aid package [_] Catalog showroom [_] Independent arms broker [_] Mail order [_] Discount store [_] Government surplus [_] Classified
6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up [_] Store display [_] Espionage [_] Recommended by friend/relative/ally [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer [_] Was attacked by one
7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style/Appearance [_] Speed/Maneuverability [_] Price/Value [_] Comfort/Convenience [_] Kickback/Bribe [_] Recommended by salesperson [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation [_] Advanced Weapons Systems [_] Backroom politics [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America [_] Iraq [_] Central/South America [_] Iraq [_] Aircraft carrier [_] Iraq [_] Europe [_] Iraq [_] Middle East (not Iraq) [_] Iraq [_] Africa [_] Iraq [_] Asia/Far East [_] Iraq [_] Misc. Third World countries [_] Iraq [_] Classified [_] Iraq
9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:
[_] Color TV [_] VCR [_] ICBM [_] Killer Satellite [_] CD Player [_] Air-to-Air Missiles [_] Space Shuttle [_] Home Computer [_] Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Check all that apply.)
[_] Communist/Socialist [_] Terrorist [_] Crazed [_] Neutral [_] Democratic [_] Dictatorship [_] Corrupt [_] Primitive/Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending [_] Cash [_] Suitcases of cocaine [_] Oil revenues [_] Personal check [_] Credit card [_] Ransom money [_] Travelers check
12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker [_] Sales/Marketing [_] Revolutionary [_] Clerical [_] Mercenary [_] Tyrant [_] Postal Worker [_] Middle management [_] Eccentric billionaire [_] Defense Minister/General [_] Retired [_] Student
13. To help us understand our customers lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
[_] Golf [_] Boating/Sailing [_] Sabotage [_] Running/Jogging [_] Propaganda/Disinformation [_] Destabilization/Overthrow [_] Default on loans [_] Gardening [_] Crafts [_] Black market/Smuggling [_] Collectibles/Collections [_] Watching sports on TV [_] Wines [_] Interrogation/Torture [_] Household pets [_] Crushing rebellions [_] Espionage/Reconnaissance [_] Fashion clothing [_] Border disputes [_] Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future — as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military Aerospace Division
If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.
yo mamma so fat i have to strap a 2×4 to my ass every time i have sex with her so i dont fall in.
Buffet the Vampire Slayer
…then skydiving is not for you.
Whats the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche???
With a Porsche, the prick is on the inside!!!!
Two mexicans walk into a drug store (walgreens) and they are passing by the condoms section and one asked the other what this 6 pack of condoms was for and he says,thats for us Mexicans one for monday, one for tuesday,one for wednesday, one for thursday, one for friday, one for saturday, and never on sunday. He does the sign of the cross.Then there walking along again and then he sees an 8 pack and he asks him what that was for and he says thats for the black people one for monday, one for tuesday,one for wednesday, one for thursday, one for friday, one for saturday,and twice on sunday.Then they walk along again and one mexican sees a 12 and aked what that was for and the mexican says thats for the white people one for january, one for february,one for march………
With more than twelve billion catalogs being mailed annually, its little wonder that marketers are distributing mailing lists anywhere possible. In one particularly cruel move, the proprietors of a chocolate catalog purchased the mailing list of a weight-loss organization. Chocolate sales rose almost immediately, but the weight-loss group wised up and now keeps it clients names to itself.
On reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him.
He asks the stewardess for a coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, And get me a whisky, you cow!
The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee.
When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls And get me another whisky you witch!
Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.
Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man tries the parrots approach. Ive asked you twice for a coffee! Go and get it now or Ill kick your ass!
Suddenly, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards.
Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says…
For someone who cant fly, you sure are a ballsy bastard!
A teacher decides that she is going to teach her second grade class a new word today. She tells them that the word is "definitely" and its meaning is "absolute, positive, without a doubt." She asks the class if anyone can think of a sentence with the word in it. She calls on little Susan who is in the back raising her hand, quite sure of herself. Susan stands up and says, "The sky is definitely blue." The teacher replies to her, "Well, thats a good sentence but sometimes the sky is gray, and sometimes its cloudy, and sometimes its red and pink so the sky is not definitely blue. Anyone else?" Toms hand flies up and she calls on him. Tom answers, "The water is definitely clear." "Well, Tom thats a good sentence but sometimes the water is muddy, and sometimes its green, and sometimes its full of seaweed so its not definitely clear. Anyone else?" Finally, in the far corner, little Robert slowly raises his hand. "Yes, Robert?" asks the teacher. "Can I ask a question, teacher?" Robert replies. "Yes." "Do farts have lumps?" "No. Why do you ask." "Well, then Ive definitely pooped in my pants."